IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, governments are spending a large amount of money on improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

It is true that a
wide
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of public money is
growingly
Rephrase
increasingly
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 invested in developing the
Internet
Use synonyms
 in some nations. There are different reasons identified for
this
Linking Words
 trend
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I consider that public funding should be spent on more urgent priorities. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend toward expanding
Internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 in various countries is that citizens are able to
access
Use synonyms
 resources of information available effectively at any time, meaning that they can have an opportunity to broaden their horizons through reading newspapers online or searching
information
Change preposition
for information
show examples
 on the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 always offers
opening
Replace the word
open
access
Use synonyms
 to those people is willing to learn
regales
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of age, location, and background. Another reason is that the
Internet
Use synonyms
 helps to enhance the growth of the economy. Online sale becomes more common these days
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
hence
Linking Words
, improving
Internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 helps to boost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic
as well as
Linking Words
 international trade. In fact, the
Internet
Use synonyms
 enables/allows us to save our time and is convenient for us
due to
Linking Words
 written forms of communication because the
Internet
Use synonyms
 allows people to discuss online through Email, Facebook or other social media.
Although
Linking Words
 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 brings benefits to us, I believe that more pressing issues need to be invested
with
Change preposition
in with
show examples
 government financial assistance.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government should spend the public budget on the education system and
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 service.
For example
Linking Words
, some schools in developing countries require more schools with capable teachers and
administers
Replace the word
administrators
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national security is
also
Linking Words
 a rewarding concern. More money is used for
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 and security
service
Check wording
services
show examples
 to increase the safety of all citizens. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are sound reasons why public authorities should want to invest in improving
internet
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
, I consider that there are more important problems which demand government funding.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You explain why money goes to internet access, and you give your view, but your opinion can be clearer from the start.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. Some points are true, but they need fuller explanation.
task response
Use one or two more specific examples. Your school example is too short and general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more clearly. A few sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea only. Some ideas in the first body paragraph are too many and not well grouped.
task response
You answer the question and give reasons for both sides.
task response
Your conclusion matches your opinion and closes the essay well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'In addition', 'Although', 'Firstly', and 'Secondly'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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