IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. but others think that taking part in individual game is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is often argued that
sports
Use synonyms
 should
done
Verb problem
be done
show examples
 separately and alone
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there are
people
Use synonyms
 who think that it has
adventegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 effects in
team
Use synonyms
 activities.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
 it has some
negatif
Correct your spelling
negative
 sides,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that it is more beneficial to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 some goals individually. There are a lot of
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 like football or basketboll and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 activities help
people
Use synonyms
 join the game which they play.
In other words
Linking Words
 for achieve a game
players
Punctuation problem
, players
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 must have a motivation
when
Punctuation problem
. When
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 play
alone
Punctuation problem
alone,
show examples
 sometimes they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have enough
competitif
Correct your spelling
competitive
 side
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with their
Use synonyms
team
Add a comma
team,
show examples
 they gain another perspectife and they receive more success.
In addition
Linking Words
,
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 create much more friendship
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 even
players
Correct word choice
if players
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 lose the game or
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 kicked out of the
Use synonyms
team
Punctuation problem
team,
show examples
 they still have those old friends in their future life.
However
Linking Words
, when individuals
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 something they all want the
prise
Use the right word
prize
show examples
 just for themselves
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 isn'
t
Use synonyms
 a bad habit,
this
Linking Words
 is the
nature
Replace the word
natural
 creation of the
people
Use synonyms
. The
succession
Check wording
sense of success
show examples
 swimmers, gymnasts or any players feel when they
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a medal or a trophy alone is much more important than
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 with someone else. In fact, the part of training in individual
sports
Use synonyms
 is
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
easier than
Use synonyms
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
 because
while
Linking Words
 athletes play with a
Use synonyms
team
Punctuation problem
team,
show examples
 it's more complicated. They have to organise the plan
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 they have to plan the dates for training lessons because
people
Use synonyms
 can'
t
Use synonyms
 always
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 in the place in exact time and
also
Linking Words
 the free times of the
personnes
Correct your spelling
people
 aren'
t
Use synonyms
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. In conclusion, as has been indicated in the previous paragraphs, doing
sports
Use synonyms
in individual
Replace the word
individually
 or in
Use synonyms
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
 has some beneficial sides. I believe that
achiving
Correct your spelling
achieving
 the trophy alone has much more essential than taking it with the
team
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You talk about team sports and single sports, but your ideas are not fully developed.
task response
Give your opinion in a very clear way from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use more clear examples to support your main ideas. For example, explain how a team sport builds social skills, or how a single sport helps self-control.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, such as 'however', 'for example', 'also', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow. Try to make shorter sentences with one clear point each time.
task response
You answered the question and discussed both views.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'In addition', 'However', and 'In conclusion'.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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