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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressure nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

It is irrefutable to state that student life is a stage where trainees go through various difficulties and
pressure
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons and solutions to resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue that I will discuss in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs.
To begin
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 with
causes
Check wording
apply
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, schools are overloading
children
Use synonyms
 with
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
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 amount of syllabus. The
children
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are under
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
 of completing their syllabus before
deadline
Correct article usage
the deadline
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they
are
Wrong verb form
do
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 not
getting
Wrong verb form
have
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 time for themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
ones
Check wording
people
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 do not participate in physical activities. To illustrate,
last
Linking Words
 year, an online survey was conducted in which students were asked to show their satisfaction and dissatisfaction with their
school
Use synonyms
 curriculum. Unfortunately, 90% of students were suffering
through
Change preposition
from
show examples
 depression and anxiety because they were not able to
hold
Verb problem
handle
show examples
 the
pressure
Use synonyms
 of their studies.
However
Linking Words
, the solution for
this
Linking Words
 problem is that the government should implement a new policy to reduce
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
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 workload. When juveniles
will
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
get
minimum
Replace the word
minimal
 homework, they will have excessive time to study and play.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it will reduce
stress
Correct article usage
the stress
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 of
study
Replace the word
studying
. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 learning institutions should
also
Linking Words
 focus on practical work rather than just theoretical work. Because
children
Use synonyms
 will get more engaged and learn through
real life
Correct your spelling
real-life
 experiences.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some face commercial
pressure
Use synonyms
 amongst their peers. Everyone belongs to different family
backgrounds
Punctuation problem
backgrounds,
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 as
children
Use synonyms
 with wealthy
parents
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 would wear expensive
attires
Check wording
attire
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 at
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 from
middle class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
 families feel inferior and ashamed. Eventually, it might cause conflicts between
parents
Use synonyms
 and youngsters. It can be resolved by setting a dress code in
school
Use synonyms
. If students
will
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
have standard uniforms, nobody will feel superior and can show the power of their
family
Check wording
family's
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 money. Even more,
parents
Use synonyms
 compare their
children
Use synonyms
 with others. When guardians compare their
children
Use synonyms
 with others, adolescents might feel pressured to cope with their peers. Resultantly, youngsters will
loose
Use the right word
lose
show examples
 their confidence. Meanwhile, to solve
this
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 problem, the
parents
Use synonyms
 should
motivated
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to give their best
instead
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 of being afraid of failure.
Children
Use synonyms
 can focus easily on their
learnings
Check wording
learning
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when they have no mental
pressure
Use synonyms
 of getting
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 grades.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are
myraiyof
Correct your spelling
many
 consequences behind the faced
children
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 feel stressed
for
Change preposition
about
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 achieving higher grades,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 play
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 role in mitigating
this
Linking Words
 trend.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: causes and ways to cut pressure.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea very clear in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
task response
Give one strong example with simple details, not a very general one.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smooth way and avoid very short broken sentences.
task response
Explain social pressure more directly, not only school and parents.
task response
You answered both the causes and the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
Some ideas are relevant, like homework, uniforms, and parent comparison.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic expectations
  • Competitive job market
  • Intense study schedules
  • Omnipresence of social media
  • Unrealistic standards
  • Targeted by advertisements
  • Marketing campaigns
  • Material goods
  • Parental expectations
  • Peer pressure
  • Emotional stress
  • Conformity
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Mindfulness and meditation
  • Counseling and support services
  • Balanced lifestyle
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