IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons why many species of
animals
Use synonyms
 are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct, and the ways to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, global warming plays a major role in
this
Linking Words
 problem, as it can come from deforestation, air pollution or water contamination, which make the habitat of
animals
Use synonyms
 not suitable for living and breeding
,
Punctuation problem
. As
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
, the number of some species of
animals
Use synonyms
 has
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
declined,
for example
Linking Words
, polar bears living in the North and South Poles. It has been so obvious that the number of them has been dramatically decreased, as the global warming issues are getting more serious. The glaciers and ice sheets have been melting a lot every year.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
wildlife
Use synonyms
 hunting can be one of the reasons for
animals
Use synonyms
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct. Some people do
this
Linking Words
 activity for fun, or it can be that they would like to have a collection of
wildlife
Use synonyms
 as a house decoration.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to
a
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
wildlife
Use synonyms
 illegal possession
,
Change preposition
of wildlife, for
show examples
for example
Linking Words
, in Thailand, almost 10 years ago,
there was a rich guy
Correct word order
a rich guy was
show examples
 arrested with a black panther's body lying next to him, which he planned to skin it off to make furniture from it. The solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem may be that goverment increases the number of reserved areas or forests, and implements strong and serious policies or restrictions
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people who invade those areas, resulting in severe punishments,
for example
Linking Words
, imprisonment or business closure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the authorities may encourage people to do the environmental activities that can reduce the global warming issues, e.g. tree planting, car usage reduction or garbage recycling. In conclusion, the reasons for animal extinction are from humans - global warming problems and
wildlife
Use synonyms
 hunting. The solutions for
this
Linking Words
 issue need to be brought up to a national level, which includes the government and authorities who are related.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain reasons well, but the solutions part is a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear idea for solutions, and explain how it will help animals survive.
task response
Use examples that are more general and clear. One personal news story is less strong than a broad example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences join too many ideas with commas. Split them into shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with words like because, so, however, and as a result.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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