some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football. but others think that taking part in individual game is better, like swimming. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, there has been an ongoing debate about whether participating in
team
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sports
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is more beneficial than engaging in individual
sports
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.
While
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some people argue that
team
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sports
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offer greater advantages, others believe that individual
sports
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are more effective.
This
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essay will discuss both views and present my opinion. On the one hand,
team
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sports
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provide valuable opportunities for social interaction and cooperation.
This
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is because players must communicate and work together to achieve a common goal, which helps develop teamwork and interpersonal skills.
For example
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,
sports
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such
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as football require players to coordinate their actions and support each other, which strengthens their ability to collaborate in real-life situations.
As a result
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,
team
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sports
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can play an important role in building social confidence.
On the other hand
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, individual
sports
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allow people to focus on personal development and self-discipline.
This
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is because success depends entirely on the individual’s effort, which encourages responsibility and independence.
For instance
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, swimmers must train consistently on their own, which helps them develop strong self-motivation and determination.
Therefore
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, individual
sports
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can be more beneficial for building personal strength and resilience. In my opinion,
although
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both types of
sports
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have their own advantages, I believe that
team
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sports
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are more beneficial
overall
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.
This
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is because they not only improve physical fitness but
also
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help individuals develop essential social skills. In conclusion,
while
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individual
sports
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promote independence and discipline,
team
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sports
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offer greater benefits by enhancing both physical and social abilities.

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task response
For task response, you answer all parts of the question, but your opinion part is a bit short. Add one more clear reason for why team sports are better for you.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but they are a little general. Try to add one more specific example in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and the order is good. To make it even better, link some ideas in a more natural way, not only with 'This is because' and 'For example'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main point is clear, but you can extend your support a little more so each paragraph feels fuller.
task response
For task response, you discuss both views and you give your own opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your examples about football and swimming fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your linking words help the reader follow your ideas easily.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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