IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this the case? Do you think that this is a positive or negative development?

It is common for business owners to promote their
products
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 in a way to make them seem revolutionary. I believe
this
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 is primarily because the current market is extremely competitive, and
this
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 is an unfavourable marketing
strategy
Punctuation problem
strategy,
show examples
 as most of the items are not actually what they are promoted to be.
To begin
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 with, companies tend to highlight the novelty of their
products
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 in order to attract more customers. In today's globalised world, consumers are exposed to a vast number of similar goods, and businesses must find ways to stand out from their competitors. By presenting their
products
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 as new or innovative, companies can create a sense of urgency and curiosity among buyers, encouraging them to make purchases.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 trend is largely negative. In many cases,
products
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 that are advertised as “new” are only slightly modified versions of existing ones.
This
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 can mislead consumers into thinking they are buying something significantly better, when in reality the improvements are minimal.
As a result
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, people may waste money on items that do not offer real value.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 approach can contribute to a culture of overconsumption. When people are constantly encouraged to buy the latest version of a product, they may discard perfectly functional items unnecessarily.
This
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 not only affects individuals financially but
also
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 has negative environmental consequences
due to
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 increased waste and resource use. In conclusion,
while
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 emphasising newness helps companies compete in a crowded market, I believe it is a negative development because it can mislead consumers and promote unnecessary consumption.

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task response
Add one clear real example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain a little more why this trend is bad for people and the world.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more variety, not only basic ones.
coherence and cohesion
Make one idea in each body paragraph the main focus, then support it fully.
task response
You answer both parts of the question clearly.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start and stays clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order and are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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