IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, men and women are having children later in life. What are the reason? What are the effects on society and family life?

In
rencent
Correct your spelling
recent
 years, the topic
having
Change preposition
of having
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 has become a pressing issue in many countries
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide.
This
Linking Words
 problem is primarily caused by
parents
Use synonyms
, especially the
pressing
Replace the word
pressure
 of
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main
and
Check wording
issue and
show examples
 address
this
Linking Words
 issue. There are several reasons why having babies occurs. One major cause is that the rising cost of living and higher demand for housing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which
Verb problem
make it
show examples
 more difficult for people to afford
th
Correct your spelling
the
 cost of
per
Change preposition
raising
show examples
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 all expenses.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it creates a financial burden in life,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the reason
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various
parents
Use synonyms
 decide
delay
Verb problem
to delay
show examples
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 birth.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people’s freedom of choice
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which fundamental right in modern societies. What’more they focus on career and personal development. They creates build career and achieve a variety of
target
Fix the agreement mistake
targets
show examples
 in life to
having the
Wrong verb form
have a
show examples
 better
than
Check wording
life
show examples
. At
this
Linking Words
 time, they
have
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 raising the
children
Use synonyms
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
better way.
This
Linking Words
 issue has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant disadvantages and impacts on
society
Use synonyms
 and family life.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when the proportion of declining birth rate leads to
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 shortages, which shrinking workforce.
Besides
Linking Words
, the rate of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 generation
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the rate of birth decrease. As a
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, it creates
pressing
Replace the word
pressure
 for social security systems and economic growth.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan had the percentage of young people in the population
is
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
 excessively high, posing potential challenges.
Secondly
Linking Words
, older
parents
Use synonyms
 are more mature and financially stable, it cause calmer
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 more experienced. After that,
children
Use synonyms
 would
supportive
Verb problem
be supportive
show examples
, less aggressive and
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 guidance and education.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
having
children
Use synonyms
 later would cause pressure for
society
Use synonyms
 and
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
creases
Verb problem
creates
show examples
 a
variery
Correct your spelling
variety
 of impacts on the
finacial
Correct your spelling
finances
 of countries.

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task response
Answer both questions more clearly. Give one full part for reasons and one full part for effects.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas easy to see. Start each body part with a clear topic sentence.
task response
Use more clear support for each main point. Explain how and why, not only what.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like first, also, as a result, and in conclusion.
task response
Give a more exact example. The Japan example is not clear and has the wrong point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. Very long sentences make your meaning hard to follow.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both reasons and effects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to give more than one reason and more than one effect.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, like firstly, additionally, and to conclude.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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