IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

today, many people do not khnow their neighbours in large cities? What problems does this cause? What can be done about this

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
residents do not have
idea
Correct article usage
an idea
show examples
 of their neighbourhood
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in a big city. In
this
Linking Words
 article, I believe that
there's
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
show examples
 at least two 2 main obstacles
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
. First thing is the popular
culture
Use synonyms
 of being individual and the living environment
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as appartment that makes it difficult for each
units
Fix the agreement mistake
unit
show examples
 to get to know each other. The writer will give
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
show examples
 explanation regarding
this
Linking Words
 issue thoroughly. First of all, the popular
culture
Use synonyms
 among the young generation is called individualistic. Many of them believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we do not need other
people
Use synonyms
 to help us, because of the
advance
Check wording
advances
show examples
 in technology.
For example
Linking Words
, back
then
Linking Words
 in 2000's when you were lost, you were able to ask
people
Use synonyms
 around you for a direction, but
this
Linking Words
 day, you do not need that anymore since we are all connected to the internet
then
Linking Words
 we can easily ask google maps, advancing of the technology is one of the cause that inquires us not to ask to other
people
Use synonyms
. Not only that, but
also
Linking Words
 with the fact that because of the advance of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 we can rent someone to be our
friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
show examples
, we do not need to contact our neighbours anymore to
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 our needs of being social because we can just rent someone to be our friend or even our date
throuugh
Correct your spelling
through
 the internet.
Then
Linking Words
, the fact that most of
residents
Correct article usage
the residents
show examples
 in big
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 live in
the appartment
Check wording
apartments
show examples
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem
, for insistence
Punctuation problem
. For instance
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in the city have a very hectic schedule
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 we are basically busy with our work,
not to mention
Linking Words
 the
culture
Use synonyms
 of hustle life
also
Linking Words
 pushes us to work more than we need. We need to pay the bills, and inflation
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 be the reason why we need to hustle. Because of
this
Linking Words
 current phenomemnal we do not have time anymore just to talk to
people
Use synonyms
 around us, because when we get
home
Punctuation problem
home,
show examples
 we already get tired and all we need to do is just rest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe these two main reasons
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are the
culture
Use synonyms
 of being individual and
also
Linking Words
 the living arrangements
that
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 prevent us
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 having a real life social experiences
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as getting to know our neighbours.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You explain why people do not know neighbours, but you do not explain the problems this causes enough.
task response
Add one clear paragraph about the problems, like less safety, less trust, and less help in hard times.
task response
Give simple and real examples for each main idea. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start and end, but the middle is not fully balanced. One body paragraph should be about causes, and one should be about problems and what can be done.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like first, also, as a result, and therefore. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix many points in one long paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You give some reasons, such as technology, busy life, and apartment living.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: