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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most of the schools require from students to wear uniforms. What is your opinion about it? Give reasons and examples

The argument over
school
Use synonyms
uniforms
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 has been ongoing for decades, with some arguing that
uniforms
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 maintain equality between
students
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,
while
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 others believe they create more issues than solutions. In my opinion, forcing
students
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 to wear
uniforms
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 is not a good policy because it puts
students
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 in uncomfortable situations and prohibits their ability to express their unique personalities. The following reasons and examples will support my perspective. First of all, requiring
school
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uniforms
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 can place
students
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 in circumstances which are not convenient, especially in regions with extreme weather.
For example
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, many
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uniforms
Replace the word
uniform
 policies demand skirts or light cotton dresses for female
students
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, regardless of
season
Correct article usage
the season
show examples
. During
cold
Correct article usage
a cold
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, rainy winter day , those skirts provide little warmth and no protection against wind or wetness, leaving girls in discomfort that can disrupt their learning. In hot climates, thick blouses or long trousers made of fabric that prevents
from
Change preposition
apply
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breathing can cause overheating. These problems show that
uniforms
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 often
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 neat appearance rather than
students
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’ well-being, which is unfair.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 South Korea, despite winter temperatures dropping below -10°C, many girls are required to wear thin skirts
while
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 boys wear trousers, leading to widespread complaints from
students
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 and parents. In the United Kingdom, during sudden rainstorms or snow,
students
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 in traditional
uniforms
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—
such
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 as blazers and skirts—often arrive at
school
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 wet and cold because their
uniforms
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 lack weather-appropriate materials. In hot climates like Australia and India,
students
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 wearing heavy cotton or polyester
uniforms
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 during summer heatwaves have been reported to suffer from dehydration, heat rashes, and difficulty concentrating in class.
Secondly
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,
uniforms
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 can block
students
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’ ability to define their personality with their dressing style
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is one of the main parts of adolescent development. For many young people, clothing is a form of character – a way to describe their interests, moods, and values without words. When schools force strict dress codes, they erase
this
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 opportunity to show who they are. I experienced
this
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 kind of situation with a close friend who had
Correct article usage
a
show examples
very unique, artistic style that she carefully built over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
. Every day, she felt frustrated and invisible in our standard uniform because it did not reflect her cheerful character. For her, the uniform was not a symbol of equality but a restriction that made
school
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 feel impersonal.
This
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 demonstrates that
while
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uniforms
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 may
goal
Replace the word
aim
 to reduce social pressure, they take away a chance for self-expression. In conclusion,
although
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school
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uniforms
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 are often introduced with good purposes
such
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 as promoting equality or reducing distractions, I believe their disadvantages outweigh these benefits.

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task response
Give a more direct answer in the intro with very clear main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main point and explain it in a simple way.
task response
Some examples are strong, but there are too many in one part. Use one or two best ones.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like First, Also, and In conclusion in a clear way.
task response
The second main idea is good, but add one more clear example to make it stronger.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has intro, body, and conclusion.
task response
Your first body part has real and clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a logical order most of the time.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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