IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the widespread internet gives freedom for study and work at home instead of travelling to work and college. To what extent the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

The internet has proven being one exceptional tool to improve our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In terms of work or study, it allows us to carry on our duties from
home
Use synonyms
, avoiding going out to our workplace or college for it.
Such
Linking Words
 a thing has several benefits linked to it, like having more
time
Use synonyms
 to share with our family and flexibility for taking up a lesson or a meeting.
However
Linking Words
, there are some drawbacks,
such
Linking Words
 as less control
of
Change preposition
over
show examples
 projects or less human contact between colleagues and students. In my opinion, those positive aspects outweigh the negatives. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will refer to them and give my own perspective
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 matter. Primarily, dealing with little
time
Use synonyms
 to share with our family has always been a problem associated with our
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
 or studies. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, having the opportunity
of doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 our tasks
while
Linking Words
 we stay at
home
Use synonyms
 and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with our relatives is a tremendous positive improvement.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way, it is easier to find a more balanced
relation
Replace the word
relationship
 between our professional responsibilities and personal life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the internet gives us the chance of having a meeting or taking up a college class through a meeting platform like the
provided
Correct pronoun usage
ones provided
show examples
 by “zoom” or
“google meet”
Fix capitalization
Google Meet
show examples
. Not only
these
Verb problem
do these
show examples
 platforms simplify the way we can communicate with each other, but they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 allow having classes with professors
of another city
Change preposition
from other cities
show examples
 or
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
, or
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 with regional managers or co-workers from
another branch
Fix the agreement mistake
other branches
show examples
 without needing
a displacement
Replace the word
to travel
 for it, saving money and
time
Use synonyms
 by doing so.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
nevertheless,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are some disadvantages that we can point out. First of all, by working or studying
remotely
Punctuation problem
remotely,
show examples
 we can lose track of our projects or deadlines. Some people argue that the increasing number of
Use synonyms
home based
Correct your spelling
home-based
 employees
as well as
Linking Words
 students has
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to a decline in productivity as the mechanism of control remains ineffective.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it has been proven that sometimes spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 alone at
home
Use synonyms
 can develop some sentiments of loneliness and disconnection from the world. Another aspect to highlight
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is that from the
face to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
interaction
Punctuation problem
interaction,
show examples
 we can reach better results in our deliverables by exchanging experiences and
point
Check wording
points
show examples
 of
views
Check wording
view
show examples
. In conclusion, profiting from the advantages provided by working and studying from
home
Use synonyms
 can positively impact our daily life as we can create more memories with our close ones and experience an efficient way to develop our responsibilities. In order to address the negative aspects of feeling lonely and low rates of productivity, a mixed scheme can be established by companies and universities so people can profit from staying at
home
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 at the same
time
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 some days at the office or campus
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they can exchange with others
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 a follow-up control can be done more effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Keep showing why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each paragraph, then add one or two simple supports.
task response
Add more specific examples. For example, mention one worker, one student, or one real home study case.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from start to end, not only in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are overused or not natural, such as 'On the other hand, nevertheless'. Use simpler links like 'However' or 'Also'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and heavy. Split them into shorter sentences to make ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph stays on one topic only. This will make the essay easier to read.
task response
You answer both sides and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your conclusion matches your opinion and sums up the essay well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow overall because the paragraph order is clear.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words to connect ideas across the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: