IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Otherpeople think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is true that advertising has been common in
people
Use synonyms
's daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 since it was invented. There are
advertisements
Use synonyms
 everywhere,
such
Linking Words
 as on TV, radio or applications on mobile phones.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that too many
advertisements
Use synonyms
 may lead to
people
Use synonyms
 no longer
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
 about them nowadays,
while
Linking Words
 the opponents argue they still have a significant influence on what we buy, which is the view I agree
more with
Correct word order
with more
show examples
. Admittedly,
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the development of
advertising
Correct article usage
the advertising
show examples
 industry, there are so many
advertisements
Use synonyms
 surrounding us that
people
Use synonyms
 are nearly tired of them. We may see the same advertisement on the screen of
supermarket
Correct article usage
a supermarket
show examples
, cinema or even
elevator
Correct article usage
an elevator
show examples
. When we watch TV, there
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a 20-minute advertising time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is long enough to exhaust us. So
people
Use synonyms
 are truly tending to ignore them.
However
Linking Words
, we are still affected by
advertisements
Use synonyms
 subliminally, even if we are trying to avoid
that
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
. When they appear in our sight, the voice and image have already registered in our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. When we are about to buy something something afterwards,
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 online or in
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
 store, most of us may choose the product in our mind rather than those unfamiliar ones.
Also
Linking Words
,
a impressing
Correct word choice
an impressive
show examples
 advertisement often has a big influence and makes everyone remember it. Just like Pinduoduo, an e-commerce application, whose advertisement with a funny song made it well-known among
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are now trying not to pay attention to
advertisements
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 cannot reverse the increasing trend of it. Advertising
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still influencing
people
Use synonyms
on buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 things.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. You did this, but the first side is a bit short.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the thesis and keep it clear in the end.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main idea to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea, and check that each sentence adds something new.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task response
You used one real example, which helps your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: