IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job orshortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is always
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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a question
that
Change preposition
of
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 what
should we
Correct word order
we should
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 do when we are struggling. Some
people
Use synonyms
 choose to stay at the original place and try to adapt to it,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer stepping forward and trying to get out of the
situation
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. I agree more with the latter
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 I think is a more optimistic and workable way to face hurdles in life. Admittedly, it is understandable that some
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to make a change in
such
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 situations. Changing can lead to different consequences, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 always unpredictable. One may not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to find a job after resigning from a company which they do not like. One may get a lower grade if they decide to retake the course or exam.
Also
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, these
people
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 may have another thought inside them that the
situation
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 may not be actually so bad and that they can get used to it.
Nevertheless
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, I would say
this
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 is not an appropriate attitude towards difficulties in life. If we do not even try to overcome them, we will never make progress or achieve personal growth. It is necessary for us to think about all the possible ways to improve the
situation
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 rather than simply
remain
Wrong verb form
remaining
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 in our comfort zone. One important reason is that many difficulties cannot be solved by passive acceptance.
For instance
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, if a person stays in a job they truly hate, they may suffer from long-term stress and gradually lose motivation.
By contrast
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, taking action gives
people
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 the opportunity to explore better options and create positive changes for themselves. In conclusion,
although
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 staying in the same
situation
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 may seem safer and more predictable, I believe it is better to make an effort to change and move forward. Only by confronting difficulties actively can
people
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 improve themselves and find better opportunities in life.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about change, but the view about accepting a bad situation needs one more clear reason and one more example.
task response
Give more specific examples. Your job example is good, but it is still general. Add one short real-life style example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are clear, but a few parts are too short, so the reader wants more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some sentences have grammar problems, and this can make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You already use words like 'Admittedly', 'Nevertheless', and 'By contrast', which is good, but make sure each one fits the idea exactly.
coherence and cohesion
Build each body paragraph in a more even way: main idea, explanation, then example. This will make your flow stronger.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the first paragraph and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the full question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
You use some good linking words to connect ideas.
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