IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In many countries, the government likes to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both sides and giver your opinion.

There are a couple of
countries
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 prefer to spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 on
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
. Some communities agree with
this
Linking Words
 situation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 think the government must
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spend
money
Use synonyms
 on education and healthcare, they think it's important for their future.
This
Linking Words
 essay considers different viewpoints, and I found out what
is the best solution
Correct word order
the best solution is
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, humans think
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 the government spends an average amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on art,
this
Linking Words
 demonstrates
countries
Use synonyms
' heritage.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if well-equipped arts of country they attract tourist trap like France or Italy. Museums have a big role in modern society, and because of that you extend the well-being of the country worldwide.
While
Linking Words
 some
countries
Use synonyms
 prefer to increase her educate and well-being
due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 thinking about improving
brains
Check wording
brain
show examples
 and health
precedence
Check wording
apply
show examples
, the government's future. If you spend
money
Use synonyms
 on the education system,
your
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
individuals get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 iq and they invent new technologies.
However
Linking Words
, your
people
Use synonyms
 are overdue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 health systems
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 most important.
This
Linking Words
 day's
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
willing
Verb problem
are willing
show examples
go
Verb problem
to go
show examples
 to well- equipped
countries
Use synonyms
 because of that should be the
improve
Replace the word
improved
 healthcare systems or qualified doctors.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Say why art is good, and say why health and education are more important.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way. Write it in the introduction and again in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear main ideas for each body paragraph. One paragraph for art, one for health and education.
coherence and cohesion
Add simple link words like first, also, however, for example, and in conclusion.
task response
Support each main point with one clear example. The France and Italy idea is good, but explain it more.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence easy to follow. Some sentences are hard to understand now.
task response
You discussed both sides of the topic.
task response
You gave some examples about art, museums, and tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and body paragraphs.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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