IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives, do you think the advantages outweight the disadvantages?

It is undeniable that it is significant for individuals to take
risks
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, both in their
career
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careers
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 and personal
life
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lives
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that sometimes taking
risks
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 is not
for
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in
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 a
person
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's
benefit
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best interest
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 to risk one's job, study, or even one's future, others argue against
this
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 concept.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both viewpoints and express my opinion. On the one hand, the first primary advantage is that it allows a
person
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 to discover new things and opportunities, which is crucial to encourage individuals to leave their comfort zone.
In other words
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, taking
risks
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 may contribute to improving a
person
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's career or lifestyle.
Moreover
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, people are more likely to receive a promotion and move to a higher position in their professional lives when they work hard and take
risks
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 when needed.
For instance
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, if an individual works hard and
risks
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 his profession to accomplish tasks faster and more effectively,
as a result
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, his manager might promote him and give him a high salary because he is thinking outside the box.
On the other hand
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, taking
risks
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 may cause unstable income in the long run, or perhaps a
person
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 might get fired. To illustrate, not all directors are the same, and not all of them will accept taking
risks
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, because they are looking for their own benefits, and they may act harshly just to protect their income and reputation from anything that would threaten their companies.
Furthermore
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, in some cases, especially in personal lives, taking
risks
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 is the worst choice, because if a
person
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 is not aware enough,
he
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they
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 might hurt
himself
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themselves
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 unintentionally.
For example
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, if an individual works out at the gym and has been used to lifting 10 kg, and suddenly he lifts 20 kg, in
this
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 case, he might injure his muscles. In conclusion, there are no straightforward answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I strongly believe that taking
risks
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 is better than living boring lives, as it may open up many doors in the future.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Use one clear view all through the essay. Now you say both sides, but your own view is a little late and not fully strong.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need deeper support and clearer results.
task response
Make examples more natural and closer to real life. The gym example is clear, but it is not very close to the main question about life risks in a broad way.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match your main answer. This helps the reader see your plan fast.
coherence and cohesion
Check reference words like he, they, and this. Sometimes the reader may not know exactly who or what you mean.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • opportunity
  • growth
  • innovation
  • achievement
  • comfort zone
  • security
  • failure
  • success
  • uncertainty
  • challenges
  • decision-making
  • courage
  • calculated risks
  • consequences
  • fear
  • regret
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