IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Discuss the benefits and drawbacks of dedicating significant time to sports activities.

This
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 essay will dicuss cons and pros of dedicating significant
time
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 to
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sport
Check wording
sports
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activities
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. First of all,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is believed that wasting our
time
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
sports
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 crucial for our health. But there may be other
activities
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 which are important to waste significant
time
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as reading a book, having
sensational
Correct article usage
a sensational
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time
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 with nature
and etcetera
Correct word choice
etc
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. There are several benefits of dedicating significant
time
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 to
sports
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activities
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.
For instance
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,
woking-out
Correct your spelling
working out
 and doing some stretching
activities
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 can
affect
Verb problem
help
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 people
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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feel healthy and energetic
through
Change preposition
throughout
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 the day. One significant benefit of devoting most
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time
Correct determiner usage
of the time
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for
Change preposition
to sports
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sport
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activities
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 is preventing some kinds of disease and bad habits.
However
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, there are
also
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 drawbacks to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 much
time
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 to
sport
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activities
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.
For instance
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, there are some people who believe that spending crucial
time
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 only for
sports
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 is
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 part of personal well-being.
Although
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 there are some
activities
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as meditating and avoiding
stress
Punctuation problem
stress,
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 is an advanatage of being healthy
instead
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 of dedicating significant
time
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 to only
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sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
activities
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. But one major drawback of spending
signicant
Correct your spelling
significant
time
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 to
sport
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activities
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 is
setback
Correct article usage
a setback
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of
Change preposition
in
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 academics or career. Spending
much
Rephrase
too much
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time
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for only
Change preposition
on
show examples
sports
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excessively
Rephrase
apply
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can cause a neglect of learning something from school or any academic areas. And
this
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 can limit opportunities to gain some success in academic life. In
conlcussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, doing
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sport
Check wording
sports
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activities
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 and establishing a successful routine of personal well-being is beneficial for
each kind
Fix the agreement mistake
all kinds
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 of individuals.
However
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, people ought not to
only
Verb problem
focus only
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focus to do
Change preposition
on
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 one activity. They should limit their
time
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 for
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sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
activities
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 only for well-being and taking care of themselves.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You talk about good and bad points, but some ideas are too general.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea in each body part very clear at the start of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some words are used, but the flow is not always smooth.
task response
Avoid repeating the same idea about health many times. Add different points.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas together. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answered the topic and wrote about both benefits and drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, like First of all, However, and In conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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