IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Discuss the pros and cons of working for the same company throughout one's entire life. Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your personal experiences and knowledge Keywords: demotivation, optimism, pros and cons, same company, personal exoeriences

Linking Words
firstly
Fix capitalization
Firstly
show examples
, there are some cons and pros of working for the same
company
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Correct pronoun usage
that people
show examples
 usually encounter in their
work
Use synonyms
 life.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 example, as for cons of working for the same
company
Use synonyms
, employees can not find and meet with new fellows in their entire
work
Use synonyms
 life.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 they have a lack of social skills.
Additionally
Linking Words
working
Punctuation problem
, working
show examples
 for the same
company
Use synonyms
 leads to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 in
comfort
Correct article usage
a comfort
show examples
 zone for a long time. So,
this
Linking Words
 makes
people
Use synonyms
 who have been working for the same
company
Use synonyms
 feel weak
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can hardly get used to working different types of jobs for years. So
this
Linking Words
 creates demotivation for
amount
Check wording
a number
show examples
 of employees during
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, during new situations their working performances
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 decreased.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 kinds of advantages of being in the same
company
Use synonyms
 as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, when employees are in the same
company
Use synonyms
, they can adapt to working conditions, systems,
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
, and processing of
work
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 these kinds of recognising all things make
people
Use synonyms
 indispensable.
Furthermore
Linking Words
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 on optimism way, when
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 for the same
company
Use synonyms
 affect to reputation and trust between
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
. They try to be
optimist
Replace the word
optimistic
, so they try to believe everything
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a positive way that
going
Verb problem
is going
show examples
 to give good outcomes for everyone.
Additionally
Linking Words
, working with the same
staffs
Check wording
staff
show examples
 for a long time can create long term relationships
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
show examples
 mostly available through the
company
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, personal experiences
which stem from
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have been working for the same
company
Use synonyms
 for
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 try to seek new jobs for their career.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 most
people
Use synonyms
 are working for more companies simultaneously. And these caused to not being on the same
company
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 being rusty in
kinds of
Correct word choice
various
show examples
 social jobs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: You answer both sides, but your opinion is not fully clear. Say your main view in the first part and repeat it in the end.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are linked to the topic, but some points are too general. Add one real and clear example from your life or from people you know.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are hard to understand because of wrong word use. Use short and clear sentences to explain one idea at a time.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a basic order with pros and cons, and it has an ending. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are very long and hard to follow. Break long sentences into two shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words more carefully. For example: On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, As a result, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put one main idea in one paragraph. This will make your writing easier to read.
task response
You talk about both the good side and the bad side of staying in one company.
task response
You include ideas like comfort zone, trust, and long-term work ties. These fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear ending sentence, so the reader can see the close of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like Therefore, Additionally, Furthermore, and On the other hand.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: