IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantagee.

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Introduction
Nowadays, many
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 prefer to have more than two
childrens
Replace the word
children
 and leave saperatly
this
Linking Words
 cause more young adults than old
age
Use synonyms
 in one family
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more advantages than disadvantages
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain in my
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
having
Verb problem
being
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
 crusial to do house work easy and
conveniant
Correct your spelling
conveniently
.
For example
Linking Words
, moving heavy stuff or house cleaning. In contras,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is possible that
older's
Check wording
older people
show examples
 have some kind of
dieases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 or
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
 pain in
knees
Correct determiner usage
their knees
show examples
 or somewhere else
this
Linking Words
 cause them to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
slow
Rephrase
slowly
show examples
 and not
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to lift any heavy
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, they have some health problems which required to be care
where
Correct word choice
, whereas
show examples
 young
have
Check wording
people have
show examples
 good health condition which allow them to be active at any time.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, old
age
Use synonyms
 have planty of
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
 which helps youngers.
For instance
Linking Words
, elders having knowledge and shared to youngers make their work easier and faster.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will educate
childrens
Replace the word
children
 about their past
experiances
Correct your spelling
experiences
 and help them to avoid
such
Linking Words
 mistakes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
older's
Check wording
older people
show examples
 teach them about relationships and
value
Correct article usage
the value
show examples
 of
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 to make stronger emotions with others.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I
personaly beleive
Correct your spelling
personally believe
 that
having
Verb problem
being
show examples
 younger is more
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 than old
age
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 both have their own value in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
older
Punctuation problem
; older
show examples
have
Check wording
people have
show examples
 knowledge and experiance where younger
have
Check wording
people have
show examples
 good health and stamina.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Add at least one clear bad point of having more young people in a country, not only in one family.
task response
Use ideas about the whole country, like work, money, schools, and care for old people.
task response
Give fuller support for each main point. Explain how and why each point matters.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear main idea in each body part, then add support and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the focus the same. Do not move from country population to only one family.
coherence and cohesion
Write topic sentences that match the question, and end with a short clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
You try to compare young people and old people.
task response
You use some examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
There is a basic paragraph shape in your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • young adults
  • older people
  • working-age population
  • job market
  • economic growth
  • pay tax
  • public services
  • new ideas
  • start a business
  • use technology
  • unemployment
  • low pay
  • social problems
  • education system
  • job training
  • housing pressure
  • skilled workers
  • support the economy
  • long-term benefit
  • outweigh the drawbacks
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