IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Fewer citizens go to their local museums and galleries than ever before. What are the causes of this? What can be done about this?

A study noted that the number of local visitors
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 museums and galleries is the smallest ever observed. Among the possible causes are
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 little investment and advertisement in
culture
Use synonyms
; Easier access to travel abroad and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interest in their own history.
Culture
Use synonyms
 is
unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
unfortunately
 one of the most
neglejected
Correct your spelling
neglected
 departments.
This
Linking Words
 happens
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mainly because it is not a section that elects a government. In fact, health and education projects are the most important for
politians
Correct your spelling
politicians
 to guarantee their seats. Another fact is that people are living
a
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in a
show examples
"
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 era" where
traveling
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travelling
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 is one of the main forms of leisure and, sometimes, more affordable than watching shows and going to expositions.
Other
Correct determiner usage
Another
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 problem noticed is the lack of an actual
arts
Use synonyms
 curriculum in schools. Without
arts
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knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
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 it is harder to build
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 interest in history,
arts
Use synonyms
 and
corelated
Correct your spelling
related
 subjects. In
this
Linking Words
 sense, one possible solution could be implementing a specific subject in schools to show students the importance of
arts
Use synonyms
 appreciation. With that,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
coud
Correct your spelling
could
also
Linking Words
 offer
Use synonyms
culture
Correct article usage
a culture
show examples
 subsidy in which people could have better prices and discounts to visit local galleries and museums.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, invest
Use synonyms
culture
Change preposition
in culture
show examples
 teams to work on
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
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 and advertise theses spaces within the community and create a sense of interest and
belong
Wrong verb form
belonging
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 campaigns to show the importance of
culture
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 for mental health.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, promote partnership with private companies to
incentivate
Correct your spelling
incentivise
 visits and work
heavyly
Correct your spelling
heavily
 in promoting the projects and engaging the public to participate and appreciate art. In conclusion, investments from the government and private partnerships could promote
arts
Use synonyms
 and
culture
Use synonyms
 within communities and increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness and participation in projects and works in local museums and galleries.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly why fewer people go, then explain each reason in one full paragraph.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples. For example, talk about high ticket cost, weak school trips, or poor online ads for local museums.
task response
Some ideas are good but not fully developed. Explain how each solution will help bring more local people back.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape, but group similar ideas together more carefully.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more controlled way. Some parts feel like a list of points, not one smooth discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. One paragraph should usually have one main idea, then support it with explanation.
task response
You answered both parts of the question: causes and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is clear and matches your main ideas.
task response
You gave several possible causes and ways to improve the situation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow in general because you use paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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