IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Governemnts should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Health
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problems
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 are
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 more common in many
bcountries
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countries
.Some
people
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 think that fast food is the main cause of
this
Linking Words
proepls
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problem
.In my opinion , unhealthy diets and lack of exercise are the main reasons , but
governments
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 and individuals can
also
Linking Words
 prevent
health
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proeplms issues
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problems
 On the one hand , fast food
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very popular because it is cheap and easy to buy .Many
people
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 eat it regularly. which can lead to obesity ,diabetes and heart
porblems
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problems
.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
modren
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modern
 life is busy ,so
people
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 do not have time to cook healthy
meales
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meals
 or
exercises
Check wording
exercise
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 lifestyle
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
health
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problems
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 more serious.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
governments
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 and schools can make steps to improve public
health
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 .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
governments
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 can run awareness campaigns about healthy eating and ban some harmful foods in schools .Schools
also
Linking Words
 can encourage physical activity by providing sports
fasilities
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facilities
 and regular
exercis
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exercise
 programs .When
people
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educated
Verb problem
are educated
show examples
 about
health
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 , they can make better choices and avoid illness. In my opinion , preventing
health
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problems
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requiers
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requires
 cooperation between individuals and
gvernments
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governments
.
People
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 should eat balanced meals and exercise regularly ,
while
Linking Words
 authorities must provide guidance and support to make these
choicee
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choices
 easier. In conclusion , fast food and unhealthy
lifestyels
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lifestyles
 are major causes of
health
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problems
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
 ,
education
Change preposition
with education
show examples
 ,exercise ,and proper
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governments
Replace the word
government
 policies ,public
health
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 can improve ,and
people
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 can lead
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
 lives

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task response
Write about the given topic only. Your essay talks about health and fast food, but the task asks about railways and roads.
task response
Answer all parts of the question. You need to say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and explain why.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should have one main point.
task response
Add strong examples that match your main idea. This will make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way, for example: first, also, however, as a result, in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and punctuation. Some sentences are broken or joined in the wrong way.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
task response
Your opinion is clear in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic paragraphing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • carbon footprint
  • commuter congestion
  • interconnectivity
  • public infrastructure
  • operational costs
  • mass transit
  • urban development
  • energy efficiency
  • socio-economic disparities
  • heritage railways
  • tourist attractions
  • environmental conservation
  • urban sprawl
  • renewable energy
  • high-speed rail
  • infrastructure investment
  • traffic management
  • public-private partnership
  • cross-country connectivity
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