IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings. Others create housing by building houses on a wider area of land. What solution is better?

These
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 is no doubt that these days many companies are focusing
to build
Change preposition
on building
show examples
 new tall buildings
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 especially in the capital cities.The question is there any benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these buildings? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I'm going to write about some of the positive and negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
,
Linking Words
also about
Correct word choice
as well as
show examples
 my opinion. In terms of the
advantages
Punctuation problem
advantages,
show examples
 the
captel
Correct your spelling
capital
 cities like Tokyo , New York , and Jeddah are full of young adults
hows
Correct your spelling
who
 need more place stay. The main reason
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to support
this
Linking Words
 main claim is that the workers ,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, and tourists need to stay in the middle of the city because of their jobs or studies. To illustrate
most
Punctuation problem
, most
show examples
 of the facilities
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 famous companies , malls , schools ,and care centre are in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the city.
In
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
this
Linking Words
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 main reason why the government
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to build
thousand
Check wording
thousands
show examples
 of
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 with long
building
Check wording
buildings
show examples
 to save some
spaces
Check wording
space
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 rich and old people start to moving in bigger houses in new lands. There is a theory about how
could
Correct pronoun usage
it could
show examples
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 positively if you lived in a natural
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
,the stress will
less
Verb problem
be less
show examples
 , no
traffics
Check wording
traffic
show examples
 and
gass
Correct your spelling
gas
, enjoying the natural views.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 could be a good area for the old people more than the teenagers.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 for some other adults
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to move
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they do not have
enouph
Correct your spelling
enough
 money , it could be a great option if the government start to sell and rent
hoses
Correct your spelling
homes
 for them. In conclusion , it is
aviedent
Correct your spelling
evident
 that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 different types of citizen they have to choose where to stay depending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own daily activities. From my
view
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 it is normal these days to build
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge tall buildings because of the population of nations increasing daily with
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 jobs and homes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say early which choice is better and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Give more direct reasons for why tall buildings or wide land housing is better. Some ideas are there, but they are not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The city names help, but the link to your main answer should be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are used well, but sometimes the meaning is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and paragraph focus. A few parts move too fast from one idea to another.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives your essay a clear basic shape.
task response
You try to discuss both sides and then give your own view at the end.
task response
You use some real city examples like Tokyo, New York, and Jeddah.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • sustainability
  • public transportation
  • green spaces
  • community connections
  • overcrowding
  • economic implications
  • infrastructure impact
  • maintenance costs
  • carbon footprint
  • compact city
  • habitat destruction
  • greenhouse gas emissions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: