IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most people today prefer to socialize online ratherthan spending time with their friends in local community. Do advantages outweigh it's disadvantages.

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It is true that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
people's
Check wording
people
show examples
 nowadays
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 real
communication
Use synonyms
 and tend to connect with their family or friends by using social media platforms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, when
this
Linking Words
 really help us to
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 closer
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our circle
while
Linking Words
 we are far away from them, I think it
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
show examples
 us to
loss
Replace the word
lose
 many of
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
show examples
 in
communication
Use synonyms
 and sincere
contact
Use synonyms
. Community dependence in online
contact
Use synonyms
 would led
people
Use synonyms
 to lose
communication
Use synonyms
 skills and their ability to face any social situation or any other situation needs to be present and make speed decisions,
for example
Linking Words
, teenagers now suffering from a lot of issues in
communication
Use synonyms
 with their family and their close environment because of they are spending most of their time in games and social media which had noticeable impact in their skills to get effective engagement with pepole.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in online environments pepole can't see Non-verbal signs which are the most important part of effective
communication
Use synonyms
, when you can read their body language and understand them well, you can
then
Linking Words
 to met them in useful point,
for example
Linking Words
, all of
people
Use synonyms
 express themselves in eye's
contact
Use synonyms
 or avoiding, how they move, or even touch themselves to calm their nerves, all of that matters in real life and losses in online life.
However
Linking Words
, when I strongly don't prefer relationships
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 depend on online
communication
Use synonyms
 only, I could see that
pepole
Check wording
people's
show examples
 existence online
any time
Verb problem
is
show examples
 useful and valuable when someone
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
dangerous
Correct article usage
a dangerous
show examples
 situations that will save many
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, speed and easy access to your family and
friends
Punctuation problem
friends,
show examples
 even when you in the other side
in
Change preposition
of the
show examples
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
 make
this
Linking Words
contact
Use synonyms
 essential. Meanwhile, nice moments and big achievements come
easy
Rephrase
easily
show examples
 to share with others.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I definitely recommend
to
Wrong verb form
contacting
show examples
contact
Use synonyms
 online with high awareness and presence in real life, and don't allow
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 technology to make you
unable
Correct article usage
an unable
show examples
 person who can not communicate with others.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why the bad points are stronger than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
Give one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it step by step.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more specific.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and because.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence is easy to follow and stays on one point.
task response
You gave both good and bad sides of online social life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used some examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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