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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever course they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some people may argue that university students should
study
Use synonyms
 any course they prefer,
while
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 others think that only subjects
,
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apply
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 which will contribute to society in the future
,
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apply
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 ought
be
Verb problem
to be
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 studied. Even though the latter view is considerable, I would still choose the former one. On the one hand, there are some benefits of being keen
to
Change preposition
on
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 a certain course. Since people come and
study
Use synonyms
 at universities, and their main goal is to build their future
along with
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career
Correct article usage
a career
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 of their choice, they long to
study
Use synonyms
 and practice a certain field they like with enthusiasm, better focus and full
conciousness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
.
In contrast
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, if they weren't able to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 their desired course, efficiency of learning could drop dramatically, thereby resulting in wasted resources and scholarship.
On the other hand
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, encouraging
studying
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the study of
 science or technology would heavily benefit society through potential innovations.
Post graduate
Correct your spelling
Postgraduate
 individuals—after gaining knowledge and opportunities in
field
Correct article usage
the field
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 of exploration, and whose number would rise if studying essential subjects
was
Wrong verb form
were
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 mandatory—could remarkably rise chances of contributing to science and technology.
As a result
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, since those
achievments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 could be applied to almost anything,
this
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 could lead to a more advanced government and a better quality of
live
Replace the word
life
 for everyone. In conclusion, I heavily agree and support the view of people choosing their own desired path and education, as
this
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 boosts the chance of them succeeding in life and career.
However
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, making certain subjects mandatory to
study
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,
such
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 as science and
technology
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technology,
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 could possibly bring innovations, but
this
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 would be too harsh
and
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, and
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 an individual would be left with no choice.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but the second side needs more detail.
task response
Give one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all parts, not only in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some lines are hard to follow because they are too long.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and small grammar points, because they can make meaning less clear.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are mostly easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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