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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five protains of fruits and vegatables per day in the UK from 2001 and 2008

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of individuals who consumed five
protains
Correct your spelling
portions
 of fruits and vegetables per day in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
child
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children
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, men and
woman
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women
show examples
 all
experenced
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experienced
 an increasing trend, and
woman
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women
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 contributed the most in 2006. Looking at the chart in detail, the
figures
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 of woman stood at around 23% in the beginning year, which was the highest proportion among different categories of people. Following five years,
it
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It
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 rose gradually to 35%,
then
Linking Words
 the
figures
Use synonyms
 dropped little by little to 30% untill the end of the period. It can
also
Linking Words
observed
Verb problem
be observed
show examples
 that the
figures
Use synonyms
 of
man
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men
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 accounted for about 17% in the initial year, and
this
Linking Words
 was approximately 5% higher than the
figures
Use synonyms
 of children. When it
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 to children, the number remained the same
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2003,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 climbed to roughly 26% in 2007,
this
Linking Words
 fall to under 25 in the final year. Regarding to man, the numbers
unchanged
Verb problem
remained unchanged
show examples
 until 2003,
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
this
Linking Words
 increased after 4 years,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 declined in 2008,
took
Correct word choice
and took
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 up around 26%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words figures with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Portion: a serving size of food.
  • Trend: a general direction in which something is developing or changing.
  • Demographic: related to the structure of populations.
  • Awareness: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.
  • Socioeconomic status: a person's economic and social position based on income, education, and occupation.
  • Accessibility: the quality of being easy to obtain or use.
  • Guidelines: a set of recommendations or advice on how something should be done.
  • Subsidy: a sum of money granted by the government to assist an industry or business.
  • Lifestyle: the way in which a person lives.
  • Public health: the health of the population as a whole, especially as monitored, regulated, and promoted by the state.
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