New household appliances have resulted in more free time for women and have enabled them to both works and run a home with dependent children. What are the advantages of a family when the mother works? Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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In today's modern society, new household appliances have contributed to more free time for women and have allowed them to both
works
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work
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and run a home with dependent
children
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.
While
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when the mother works
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apply
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there are disadvantages
of
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to
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this
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issue
, I
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when the mother works, I
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firmly believe that
this
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has more significant advantages.
This
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essay will examine both perspectives before giving my own opinion. On the one hand, when mothers
work
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, they can face several difficulties. The situation where the mother works may make
children
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leave alone at home, which in turn they can
feel sometimes lonliness
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sometimes feel loneliness
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.
This
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promotes mental health
problem
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problems
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such
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as depression and anxiety.
Similarly
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, a sense of connection between family can weaken because they are less likely to have conversations about
they
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apply
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their daily life
becuase
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because
all family members are so busy with their
work
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and study.
On the other hand
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,
mother's
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mothers'
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working can have positive impacts on people's lives in a wide variety of aspects.
This
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can allow people, including
children
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, to experience diverse activities and learn new hobbies
,
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apply
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by providing financial stability
to
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for
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them. Trying different things can help individuals develop their skills and increase life satisfaction.
In addition
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, women can feel a strong sense of confidence when they
work
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.
Furthermore
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,
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This
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this
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can contribute to understanding between parents because they are in similar situations
not
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, not
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only about professional lives but
also
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taking care of their
children
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, which was separated tasks in the past. In conclusion,
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Although
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although
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there are some disadvantages when mothers
work
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such
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, such
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as
children
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's mental health and decreased conversations, I strongly agree that the
advantanges
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advantages
of
this
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issue outweight disadvantages
becasue
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because
it can increase women's life satisfaction and confidence.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give your view, but the good and bad sides need more detail.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body part, then explain it more.
task response
Add one simple real example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. Use simple linking words like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word use, because some parts are hard to follow.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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