IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: Some people believe that the best way to solve the problem of traffic congestion in cities is to make public transport free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The issue of traffic congestion in cities is a controversial issue in modern society.
While
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 some argue that the
government
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 should provide transportation funding or make
transport
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 free for all
citizens
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,
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however,
Correct word choice
apply
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I strongly believe that the
government
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 should not give out free
transport
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 passes to everyone. There are a few reasons to support my views. The primary reason for my opinion is the abuse of free
transport
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 passes.
For example
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, retired individuals might
utilize
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utilise
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this
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 opportunity to go on a trip during rush hours;
by contrast
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, it will affect
citizens
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 who go to work. Free
transport
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, like subways or buses, will be more crowded because of the free passes given by the
government
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.
This
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 shows that giving out free
transport
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 passes will affect
citizens
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' living style and increase the workload for the
transport
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 industry. If concerns about the environment and carbon emissions exist, they are outweighed by the long-term benefits of a more efficient society. Another key argument is that there is a large financial burden on the
government
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 if
the
Correct pronoun usage
it
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government
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 gives all individuals free
transport
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. In many countries, the automotive industry has economic benefits for the
government
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.
This
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 demonstrates that the car industry could help to boost the economy. If all
citizens
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 are taking free
transport
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instead
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 of purchasing their own vehicle, there will be a
higher
Correct word choice
more serious
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 financial problem for the
government
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. Critics might claim that free
transport
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 could help the poor population, but the development and the economy of the country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much more important. In conclusion, I am convinced that the
government
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 should ban the idea of giving free
transport
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 to the locals because of the potential for abuse and financial problems.
Although
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 the environment is a serious issue, the benefits of living in a low-debt country are more significant for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Some points are stated, but they need fuller explanation of how free public transport affects traffic.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and closer to the topic. Your example about retired people is clear, but it does not fully show why traffic in the whole city will stay bad.
task response
Keep your ideas closely linked to traffic congestion. Some parts move to the economy and car sales, which are less direct.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however' are not used well in the first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear point. At times, ideas about crowding, work life, environment, and debt are mixed together.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a short chain of reason: idea, why, result. This will make the writing easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same side to the end.
task response
You cover two main reasons for your view, so the reader can follow your position.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words are used, such as 'for example', 'another key argument', and 'in conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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