IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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In various nations crime rate has
rosen
Correct your spelling
risen
 significantly. There are several root
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 crime rate among youngsters.
However
Linking Words
, a few remedies could be offered to resolve the situation to a large extent. Both the reasons and the
measors
Correct your spelling
measures
 are elaborated
further
Linking Words
. Examining the reasons, the majority of problems with
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
 stem from poverty and lack of
chances
Check wording
opportunities
show examples
. If a family has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little money, a young person may steal or
do
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 illegal business in order to get money or status.
For instance
Linking Words
, in undeveloped countries like Mexico, it is not a big deal to join
cartel
Correct article usage
a cartel
show examples
 and start selling drugs or
weapon
Check wording
weapons
show examples
 to get themselves and their families out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty. The other reason is
teenagers
Correct word choice
that teenagers
show examples
 want to feel accepted
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is
gang
Correct article usage
the gang
show examples
 culture and
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
show examples
 of the Internet. They may copy risky acts or be part of groups.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, to combat the issue, some productive steps can help to overcome
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 extent. The foremost one is the government taking
actions
Check wording
action
show examples
. Social help to non-wealthy families may dramatically reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate among the youth and boost the economy of the nation.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan government provides various social payments to big families, those who
lost
Verb problem
have lost
show examples
 a parent and so on. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
child grows up realising that there is no need to worry about income.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, schools and parents can work together and encourage teenagers to focus on
self development
Correct your spelling
self-development
. Schools can provide free
sport
Replace the word
sports
 sections,
whereas
Linking Words
 parents support and give moral lessons.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are some issues
due to
Linking Words
 poverty and the Internet,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
taking steps
such
Linking Words
 as payments from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and involvement of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 and parents can solve the problem.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You give reasons and answers, but some ideas need more detail.
task response
Make your main ideas very clear in each body part. One main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
Use examples that are clear and directly linked to teenage crime.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences do not flow well. Check word choice and sentence form.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph more focused. Do not put too many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You discuss both reasons and solutions, so you address the task.
task response
You use real examples, like Mexico and Kazakhstan, to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like however, for instance, besides this, and to conclude.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • teenager crime
  • bad influence
  • peer pressure
  • family care
  • clear rules
  • wrong choice
  • gang culture
  • feel accepted
  • illegal acts
  • lack of money
  • poor background
  • equal chances
  • safe activities
  • after-school programs
  • job training
  • community support
  • moral lessons
  • online violence
  • early help
  • stay on the right path
  • sense of purpose
  • turn to crime
  • prevent crime
  • solve the problem
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