IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree. #people #

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Does environmental
pollution
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 affect humans in thier daily-base and should the policy-makers stop it
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 Many
people
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 believe it is highly crucial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health to reduce
the
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apply
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environmental
pollution
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by
Change preposition
through
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 the
intervene
Replace the word
intervention
 of
governmnets
Correct your spelling
governments
 to
plummet
Verb problem
reduce
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 the illness level.
While
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 others argue that the money spent on the enviornment is better spend on things that
people
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 need in there daily lifes. Personally, I agree that government interventions
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to
lower down
Verb problem
address
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such
Linking Words
problems
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. On the one hand, it is
believen
Correct your spelling
believed
 that the
rising
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rise
 in
the
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apply
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air and land
pollution
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 is hurting many creatures by causing
a
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apply
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respiratory
problems
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 and
sever
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severe
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 diseases,
that is
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 difficultly treated, mostly for those who are not financially stable.
Therefore
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, a movement from the government is a
neccessity
Correct your spelling
necessity
.
This
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 can happen by implementing regulations on diverse factories
specifically
Punctuation problem
, specifically
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 those
who
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that
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 use fuel oil and cause
a
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apply
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high carbon
emission
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emissions
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, which lead to global warming. By reducing the size of
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pollution
Punctuation problem
pollution,
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 less expenses
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 needed to go for healthcare and house care
which
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, which
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 eventually
increase
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increases
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 the economic growth.
For example
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, Qatar
seen
Verb problem
has seen
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an dramatical
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a dramatic
 growth in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 economy for the past 10 years and using
this
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 growth
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 focused on things like educating
people
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 on how important
is
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apply
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sustainability and the environment, and they take a massive portion of the annual GDP just to reduce the amount of
pollution
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.
On the other hand
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, others argue
that is
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 it far more important to focus on poeple rather than the environment stating that it can fix itself in the end of the day, unlike humans where if they suffered from a type of illness and it wasent treated there is a high chance that they will end up dying.
Subsequently
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,
this
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 can create larger
problems
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on
Change preposition
in
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 the economy and the safety of a country as it can increase the unemployment rate and the education level, increasing crimes and vandalism in the nation. For that, money should be
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on the education of
people
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,
this
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 can reduce
pollution
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 as citizens would know it is harmful to through carbage on the street and surge there recycling rate.
For instance
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, Scandinavian countries spend a lot on the education of thier
people
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 and social care to ensure a developed future and lower levels of environmental
problems
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. In conclusion,
while
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 one side of the argument
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
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 the importance of governement focusing on
declining
Verb problem
reducing
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 the level of environmental
problems
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, the second one clearly
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 in the care of
people
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 over anything. Though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 my personal view is that the reduction in
pollution
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 is the most important thing to do, mostly in the quick development stage we are observing in nowdays.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. You talk a lot about pollution, but you say less about housing problems.
task response
State your opinion in a very clear way in the introduction and keep the same view in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas about how bad housing can cause illness, like mold, dirty water, or too many people in one home.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to understand. Make sure each example clearly supports your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not connect well. Use simple linking words like first, also, because, so, and however in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Some sentences move too far from the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Put the main point first, then explanation, then example.
task response
You answer the topic and give your own view.
task response
You include examples from real countries, which helps your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is divided into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like on the one hand, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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