IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
Scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 proffesionals looks to
be
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be more treasured by contemporary society than musicians and artists. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree because of several reasons
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Better healthcare access, improved food security and advanced communication and
transport
Use synonyms
 systems. First off,
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 experts have improved our healthcare
sysytems
Correct your spelling
systems
 and
manging
Correct your spelling
management
 of pandemics. Some exemplary examples are
;
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 cancer treatment,
although
Linking Words
 there is no medicinal cure, it can be managed through chemotherapy and immunotherapy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can completely eradicate cancer.
Also
Linking Words
, during Covid 19 pandemic, thanks to our
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
 experts
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
vaccine was discovered as
quick
Replace the word
quickly
 as possible. Despite
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 over 5 million lives during the pandemic,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of lives were saved.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 population and
adverse
Correct article usage
the adverse
show examples
 effects of climate change, food security has been a challenge.
However
Linking Words
, Genetically Modified Organisms (GMO)
technology
Use synonyms
 in plants and animals has improved crops' ability to be pest and drought resistant
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
 in higher
produce
Replace the word
production
 rich in nutritional value.
Linking Words
additionally
Fix capitalization
Additionally
show examples
, GMO has enabled
creation
Correct article usage
the creation
show examples
 of quality animals
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are
disease resistant
Correct your spelling
disease-resistant
 and mature at a faster rate. Communications and
transport
Use synonyms
 systems
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 never been more advanced, all credit to
scientist
Check wording
scientists
show examples
 and professional experts.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
show examples
 has enabled
insant
Correct your spelling
instant
 access to information.
Technolgies
Correct your spelling
Technologies
 like social media platforms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 facilitated worldwide interactions.
in
Correct determiner usage
In the
show examples
transport
Use synonyms
 sector, technologies like
highspeed
Correct your spelling
high-speed
 trains and airplanes has revolutionized travel.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
scientists
Use synonyms
 and
technology
Use synonyms
proffesionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 are more treasured than musicians and artists in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary society
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
these
show examples
 reasons. I have discussed above
including:
Correct word order
, including
show examples
 better healthcare access, improved food security and advanced communication and
transport
Use synonyms
sytems
Correct your spelling
systems
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main idea more balanced. You fully agree, but you do not explain why artists and musicians may still matter.
task response
Add one short idea about art, then show why science is still more valued. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Develop each main point a little more. Some ideas are good, but they need clearer explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler and clearer linking words. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form. Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one clear main point only.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
task response
You use relevant examples like Covid-19, cancer care, GMO, and transport.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to see: health, food, then communication and transport.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: