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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Are classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Education in
schools
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 consists of various subjects, which include painting and drawing. Some
people
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 think that these 2
classes
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 are as important as other subjects, so
,
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apply
show examples
 they should be compulsory in high
schools
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,
while
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 some disagree on that. After my careful consideration, I totally agree that those
classes
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 should be conducted in
schools
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. Some
people
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 disagree that painting and drawing should be compulsory in
schools
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 because,
firstly
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, they think that it cannot be expanded to other fields. Especially, the high
school
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 students, who need to decide on what major they would like to study in university. They can use the knowledge in the programs: Maths, Science or Biology in various majors,
for instance
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, Medicine, Business, Economics, etc.
As a result
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, these majors will lead them to get high-income jobs after their graduation, e.g. an accountant, a doctor, an investor, etc.
Moreover
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,
people
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 might find that these
classes
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 are redundant, which make unneccessary
school
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 hours; they make the students' day longer. They think that these courses can be taken as an option, which can be an after-
school
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 class at an
art
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 institution.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that they are as important to the child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high
school
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 because, first of all, it is a potential way for the children to express their desires. It is not everyone
,
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apply
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 who is good at Maths or Science. Some kids are good at languages or the
arts
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.
This
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 way, the pupils will be able to know which side they are more capable and interested
;
Change preposition
in:
show examples
arts
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 or academics. If they find out that they like the
arts
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, they can attend the specific
schools
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, where they teach specific skills to the students; Fine
Art
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 or Portrait
Art
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.
Furthermore
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, I personally agree that studying the
arts
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 helps children to develop themselves, especially their emotions. We cannot rush doing
arts
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, as it takes time to finish one piece of work. So, in the world of rushing things, the
arts
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 really help to slow down things and calm the populace down.
For example
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, when we go to an
art
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 museum, we slowly consider the meaning of the paintings or the statues, what the artists would like to communicate through their works. In conclusion,
people
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 who think that painting and drawing should be compulsory in
schools
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 might focus on the limited knowledge of other fields and the long
school
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 hours.
However
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, there are some individuals who agree on these
classes
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 being conducted in
school
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, of which I am
also
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 on
this
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 side
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due
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, due
show examples
 to the ability to perceive the kids' desires and their emotional development.

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task response
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Say clearly why you agree, and keep this main view strong in each body part.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. Your ideas are good, but some points stay general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Start the paragraph with one clear point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Sometimes there are too many commas, and some sentences feel long.
task response
Be careful with word choice and grammar because they can make your meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both sides and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Most ideas are linked to the topic of art in high school.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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