IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. Discuss both sides.

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With the increase in
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
, international
news
Use synonyms
 became far more important. Some believe that it should be considered a subject in high school for peers to discuss different topics
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 around them.
While
Linking Words
 others argue that scientific subjects like biology are more beneficial.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, many think it is crucial for young adults to be well educated
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what is surrounding them.
This
Linking Words
 is because it
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 them to understand the importance of trading
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
,
therefore
Linking Words
 subjects like media and humanities are the most needed to achieve
this
Linking Words
 goal, as they teach the history and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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how information or
news
Use synonyms
where
Use the right word
was
show examples
 exchanged in the past.
For example
Linking Words
, pre-2023 no one knew about Gaza and the
sufferement
Correct your spelling
suffering
 of
it
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 people, till
news
Use synonyms
have been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 shared through TV and social media
allowing
Punctuation problem
, allowing
show examples
 most of us
understand
Verb problem
to understand
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 the size of the issue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others have the
persepective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 that subjects that contain sciences and
mathmatics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
 are highly important as they help youths have basic
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sharing those types of
news
Use synonyms
 might cause more negatives to people,
espicially
Correct your spelling
especially
 young ones
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they can learn harmful things like
sucides
Correct your spelling
suicides
 and terrorism
these
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 can increase the level of crimes and vandalism.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with the
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 of
news
Use synonyms
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 shared via social media, younger ages are
learining
Correct your spelling
learning
 from them and applying it in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
. In conclusion, it is important to have apprehension over diverse topics in live like international
Use synonyms
news
Punctuation problem
news,
show examples
 to understand where you should stand, but keeping in mind the risks that can happen
doing
Correct word choice
when doing
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
so
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then give your own clear view in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main idea clear. One paragraph should have one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a correct way, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
task response
Give examples that are clear, direct, and closely tied to your point.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good but not fully developed.
task response
You discussed both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The topic stays mostly clear through the essay.
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