Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the present time, the youngsters
spending
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spend
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more hours on electronic devices. A group of individuals thinks that
behavior
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behaviour
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is positive.
However
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, another group believes
that
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is
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it is
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negative.
In
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From
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my perspective, I believe it
is
Verb problem
apply
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has harmful results.
To begin
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with, spending hours on smartphones and PC has
positive
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a positive
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side. Children can take
advantages
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advantage
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of using it by
learn
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learning
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new
lanagages
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languages
.
For example
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, video games help to learning and
acquisition
Replace the word
acquiring
new vocabulary by reading the game story and listening to the conversation in the games.
In addition
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,
yougsters
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youngsters
can make new friendships with different
culture
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cultures
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.
On the other hand
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, individuals who take
a
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the
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view that
the
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apply
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spending hours on screen
times
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apply
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brings harmful results. Obesity is one of the most
determinal outcome
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determinantal outcomes
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.
For instance
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, children who have more time on screen face obesity
also
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lack of movement.
Moreover
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, schooling performance will be affected, which leads to weak grades. Kids will be exposing into Digital bullying and
misbehavior
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misbehaviour
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. In
others
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other
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words
they
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, they
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be come
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become
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more violent at school or at home.
To sum up
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, spending a lot of time using phones or games. Has good outcomes,
such
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as learning languages,
whereas
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has
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it has
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bad outcomes, like violence and bullying. In my view, I believe that the concept has more
determinal
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detrimental
outputs and contributes to
spread
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the spread
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obesity
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of obesity
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amongs
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among
younger people.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You say the good side and the bad side, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in every part, not only in the end.
task response
Use clearer examples. Your example about games and new words is good, but it needs one more simple detail.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each sentence and connect it clearly to the next sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. Some ideas feel a little broken, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like language learning, obesity, and school grades.
coherence and cohesion
The main message is usually easy to follow.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • educational opportunities
  • technical skills
  • digital future
  • cultural exposure
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • parental supervision
  • setting boundaries
  • behavioral impact
  • mental health
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