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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

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People
Use synonyms
 argue that if they can save
money
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 since their childhood, it will be essential for their
future
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Although
Linking Words
people
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have
Verb problem
face
show examples
 dangerous situations
such
Linking Words
 as health issues and financial problems, they can
face
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 them with their savings.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 can invest their
money
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 so that they can achieve financial freedom.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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’s health issues have been increasing significantly.
However
Linking Words
, they can
face
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 dangerous health problems if they have
money
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 should follow the saving
money
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 strategy with their families because it will help to reduce their stress about the
future
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.
For instance
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, my uncle, who was a cancer patient, collected a lot of
money
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 for his
future
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 when he was young so that he could
face
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 cancer successfully.
Finally
Linking Words
, he became a normal person with good
treatments
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treatment
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, investment is the best path to achieve
people
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’s financial freedom, which is a very important thing in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. If we have savings, we can invest
that
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 for our
future
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,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in
stock
Correct article usage
the stock
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markets
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market
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 and buying properties.
For example
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, I have collected some
money
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 for my higher studies and invested my savings in the Sri Lankan stock market
while
Linking Words
 I was doing my part-time job.
As a result
Linking Words
, I can apply for my master’s degree in Australia, and that decision was helpful for my
future
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. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is an essential habit, and
people
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 have to follow
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
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 they have problems.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
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 can
face
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 dangerous situations,
as well as
Linking Words
 achieve their financial freedom to succeed in their
future
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.

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task response
Task response: Your answer is clear and you agree with the topic from the start. To get a higher score, explain your ideas more deeply and show why saving money is important for both young people and all people.
task response
Task response: Your examples are helpful, but they feel a little personal and simple. Add one more clear and general example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are good, but a few parts are not fully clear, like 'dangerous situations' and 'financial freedom'. Explain these points in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is good for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use linking words carefully. You use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' well, but sometimes 'However' and 'Therefore' do not fit the meaning well.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are long and a bit hard to follow. Try to use shorter sentences and make one clear main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep each body part focused on one idea. In some places, the idea moves too fast from saving to health to family to stress.
task response
Task response: You answer the question directly and clearly say that you agree.
task response
Task response: You give two main reasons: help in hard times and help with investment for the future.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay is easy to follow because it has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use paragraphing well, and each main part has its own focus.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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