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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

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People
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 argue that if they can save
money
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 since their childhood, it will be essential for their
future
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. I completely agree with
this
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 statement.
Although
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people
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face
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 any dangerous situations,
such
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 as health issues and financial problems, they can
face
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 them with their savings
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apply
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money
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can invest their
money
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 so that they can achieve financial freedom.
Firstly
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,
people
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’s health issues have been increasing significantly.
However
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, they can
face
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 any dangerous health problems if they have
money
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should follow the saving
money
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 strategy with their families because it will help to reduce their stress about the
future
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.
For instance
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, my uncle, who was a cancer patient, collected a lot of
money
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 for his
future
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 when he was young so that he could
face
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 the cancer successfully.
Finally
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, he became a normal person with the good treatment.
Secondly
Linking Words
, investment is the best path to achieve the
people
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’s financial freedom, which is a very important thing in our lives. If we have savings
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apply
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money
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, we can invest that for our
future
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,
such
Linking Words
 as investing in the stock market and buying properties.
For example
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, I have collected some
money
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 for my higher studies and invested my savings in the Sri Lankan stock market
while
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 I was doing my part-time job.
As a result
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, I can apply my master’s degree in Australia, which was helpful for my
future
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. In conclusion, saving
money
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 is an essential habit and
,
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apply
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people
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 have to follow
this
Linking Words
 even if they have problems.
Consequently
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,
people
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 can
face
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 any dangerous situations
as well as
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 they can achieve their financial freedom to success their
future
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.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more exact in each body part. This will help the reader follow your point more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts connect well, but some lines feel a bit unclear or repeated.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with clearer explanation. Your examples are good, but some need a bit more detail.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly all through the essay. Your position is clear, but some ideas could be explained in a fuller way.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more deeply. For example, explain how saving from a young age builds long-term safety and chance.
task achievement
Use examples that feel more general or more clearly linked to the topic. This can make your answer stronger.
task achievement
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
task achievement
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your answer feel real.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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