IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some believe that life is generally the most enjoyable during the teenage years,
while
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 others would say that more happiness comes in
adult
Use synonyms
 life, despite greater
responsibilities
Use synonyms
.
While
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 being an
adult
Use synonyms
 guarantees more independence, I believe that being a teenager is better because of the fewer expectations given to
this
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 age group. On the one hand, being an
adult
Use synonyms
 grants a person more freedom in everyday
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
. They are generally deemed old enough to make decisions on their own, so older figures like their parents and families do not dictate their actions.
For example
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, in the US, many people who just turn 18 are allowed to move away from their parents’ homes, as they are old enough to provide for themselves and make decisions for their future.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 freedom
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to be limited
due to
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 the greater
responsibilities
Use synonyms
 placed upon adults,
such
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 as job-related ones.
On the other hand
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, teenagers have considerably
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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responsibilities
Use synonyms
 than
those of
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
adults. They have more say in their day-to-day lives compared to children, but
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not expected to handle everything by themselves, as
grown ups
Correct your spelling
grown-ups
 still assist them in decision-making and school-related activities.
For instance
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, in Indonesia,
while
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 students usually take summer internships out of interest, it is not expected of them to have steady full-time jobs. I believe that
this
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 makes the teenage years more enjoyable as it grants a person a considerable amount of freedom
while
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 not tying them down to
adult
Use synonyms
responsibilities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
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 being an
adult
Use synonyms
 guarantees the most independence in a person’s lifetime, I believe that being a teenager is better
due to
Linking Words
 the fewer expectations given to
this
Linking Words
 age group.

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task response
Make your main answer even more clear in the first part. Say why teen life is happier in a more direct way.
task response
Develop each idea a bit more. Some points are good, but they need one more line of support.
task response
Use examples with a clearer link to happiness, not only freedom or work.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar in linking ideas. Some sentences are not smooth, so the flow is a little weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear pronouns and subject-verb forms. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Add a few stronger linking words between ideas and examples.
task response
You discuss both sides and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The examples are relevant and help support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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