IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people decide to go to college or university.Others,however,chose to go straight to work as they think it is important to satisfy theneeds of the society and country.Discuss both views and write your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In recent years, young
people
Use synonyms
 have
different
Verb problem
had different
show examples
 choices about their future paths. Some choose to attend college or
university
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer to start working immediately, believing that
this
Linking Words
 helps them meet the needs
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 and the country. In my view, receiving
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
Use synonyms
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 a more beneficial long-term choice for young
people
Use synonyms
. Those who support going to
university
Use synonyms
 argue that higher
education
Use synonyms
 equips young
people
Use synonyms
 with professional knowledge and critical thinking skills.
University
Use synonyms
study
Check wording
studies
show examples
 not only provides specialized expertise required by modern industries but
also
Linking Words
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 individuals develop independence, responsibility, and
broad
Correct article usage
a broad
show examples
 vision. With a solid educational background, young
people
Use synonyms
 can pursue more advanced career paths and make sustainable contributions to
society
Use synonyms
 in the long run.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who choose to work early claim that practical experience helps them understand real social needs more directly. Entering the workplace early allows young individuals to learn communication skills, adapt to social changes quickly, and address the immediate demands of the country. They believe that hands-on experience is more useful than theoretical knowledge in satisfying current social requirements. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
 early work experience offers practical benefits,
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 provides a stronger foundation for both personal growth and social contribution. Well-educated young
people
Use synonyms
an
Verb problem
can
show examples
 grasp complex problems, innovate, and support notional development more effectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, higher
education
Use synonyms
 enables young
people
Use synonyms
 to serve
society
Use synonyms
 in a more profound and lasting way. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
staring
Use the right word
starting
show examples
 work early may help young
people
Use synonyms
 meet immediate social needs,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that attending
university
Use synonyms
 is more advantageous. A good
education
Use synonyms
 prepares young
people
Use synonyms
 to contribute to
society
Use synonyms
 and the country in a more sustainable and meaningful manner.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides with one more clear point for each side.
task response
Add one short real or clear example to support your ideas.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all main parts, not only in the start and end.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way, but do not repeat the same pattern too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word errors because they can make your ideas less easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point a bit more with one cause or result.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: