Some people have declded to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flylng altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses?

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Nowadays, climate change is one of the biggest issues on earth , and aeroplanes contribute to it. Some people think that the number of flights must be reduced
due to
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environmental reasons. I believe that it is not a good solution because a huge part of the population needs to fly for work , and aeroplanes are not the main cause of climate change. Since the world has experienced strong globalisation in recent decades, many people have to fly each week in order to attend their jobs. Sometimes, individuals do not have the opportunity to work in their country or their city
due to
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different situations.
This
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is why the aeroplane is their only way to go to their working place, and by reducing their flights, they could lose their jobs.
For example
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, a survey made by the famous YouTuber Rodrigo Núñez states that 50% of the Canarian population catches a flight each week in order to get to their job.
Furthermore
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, planes are not the principal cause of environmental issues. Other transports
such
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as cars, trains or motorbikes contribute to climate change as well.
In addition
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, the plane's fuel is made by eco sources, which means that they do not pollute that much.
For instance
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, a study carried out by the University of Texas at Austin states that aeroplanes represent 6% of the pollution generated on a day,
while
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cars and trains represent 35%.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that environmental benefits do not outweigh individual or business disadvantages because lots of people need these flights to work and planes are not even a big pollution.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You say the bad side is bigger, but you need to explain the good side of fewer flights more clearly too.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some support is weak or not fully true. Use examples that are more real and easy to trust.
task response
Explain your points more. For example, say how fewer flights help the air, and why this may still not be enough to beat the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This is good. But some links between ideas can be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that directly answer the question in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar. Keep sentences shorter and simpler so the line of thought is easy to see.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
task response
You include two main reasons to support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs, with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'Since', 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'To conclude'.
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