Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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There is an ongoing debate over whether individuals should be responsible for maintaining their own health and diet, or whether governments should play a key role in ensuring that citizens eat healthily. I agree with those who argue that every single person should pay attention to their own well-being. Granted, one might argue that authorities can regulate the eating habits of individuals. Governments can introduce regulations
such
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as taxing unhealthy food and limiting the sale of harmful products. A range of measures related to junk food companies,
such
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as increasing the price of their
production
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products
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. As long as people cannot be able to afford unhealthy meals, their consumption can be reduced significantly. On the one hand, they can encourage farmers to utilise free lands by harvesting more vegetables, increasing the profit in the grocery stores. As people get used to purchasing only healthy products, they are prone to decreasing the threat of obesity as well.
For example
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, in Korea, the government set a law in 1923, that eating only seafood is allowed.
Moreover
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, they had fostered
this
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habit, and
this
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had become an integral part of their lives. Despite these arguments, I side with those who believe that every person should regulate their eating habits. Eating normally can prevent several diseases,
such
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as obesity. Special spices can provoke feelings of craving toward unhealthy food
,
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;
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as a result
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, they are addicted to consuming these products despite knowing the detrimental effects. If they eat only healthy stuff, do exercise regularly, and sometimes reward them with a small portion of candy, the physical appearance and health state significantly improve. In conclusion,
although
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governments can play a role in promoting a healthy diet, I believe that individuals should take primary responsibility for their own health, as they are in control of their daily choices and lifestyle.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You wrote more about your own view than the other view.
task response
Make your ideas clearer. Some parts are hard to understand, like the point about free land and grocery store profit.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The Korea example does not seem strong or fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Put one clear main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well with the ones before them.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid sentence fragments, such as the short line about junk food companies. Make it a full sentence.
task response
You answered both views and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
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