IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

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Nowadays, people are spending a huge chunk of their
time
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 working. Spending a lot of
time
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 in their workspace leaves less
time
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 for family, their own personal
time
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 and rest.
This
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 can lead to chronic stress and even health issues. If we look at it from my lens, I believe
this
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 occurs
due to
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 the fact that companies are demanding way too much from their employees lately. Making them
work
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 overtime, way more than the number of hours they are being paid for. Some of them
also
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 ask their workers to
work
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 on weekends. Some workplaces tend to overburden their employees by having them do other people's
work
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,
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;
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 that way
they
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, they
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 don't have to hire new people and suffer loss. All of
this
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 will
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 cause a negative effect on the employee's
life
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, so
through
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from
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 my point of view
working
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, working
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for
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apply
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long hours is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 development. An Individual's
work
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life
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 can have ups and downs
but
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, but
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 for it to continuously interfere with their personal
life
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 will lead to harsh consequences.
For
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example
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example,
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 picture
this
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, A woman who just got her job a few months ago
and
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, and
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 to impress her
boss
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boss,
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 she accepts working
for
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apply
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long hours and even on weekends.
This
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 increases her stress levels and tires her out
,
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;
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 by the
time
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 she reaches
home
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home,
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 she has no energy to interact with her dear ones. And as she is preoccupied on the weekend as well,
this
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 leaves her with no proper family
time
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 or alone
time
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which
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, which
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 is a harsh reality of the working culture. I believe whenever one is in
this
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situation
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situation,
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 they should always consider and think it out before agreeing to working for more than what their job asks for. To sum it all
up
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up,
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 I would like to say that working is a part of
life
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, we can't skip it completely
but
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, but
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 we can and should set some boundaries when it comes to one's personal
life
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 and rest

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly: say why people work long hours, and then explain why you think this is bad.
task response
Add one more reason, such as high living cost or job fear, not only company pressure.
task response
Develop your ideas in a more balanced way. Some points are clear, but some need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: intro, reasons, bad results, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, however, and for example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences. Shorter sentences will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion that working long hours is a negative development.
task response
You include an example about a woman and her job, which helps support your view.
coherence and cohesion
There is a conclusion at the end, so your essay has a full shape.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on the main topic of work and personal life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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