IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that mobile phones must be banned in public places such as libraries, shops or public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The responsible
people
Use synonyms
 should put some
rules
Use synonyms
 in using cellphones
instead
Linking Words
 of panned it. The question is, some
people
Use synonyms
 want the
phones
Use synonyms
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 panned in specific places
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as public transportation. In my opinion, I believe the
mangement
Correct your spelling
management
 should put
rules
Use synonyms
 in using
phones
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as using headphones or
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 at all. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to provide more details about
this
Linking Words
 topic and give my opinion. First of all, there are many
people
Use synonyms
get
Correct pronoun usage
who get
show examples
 distracted easily when others are using
phones
Use synonyms
 with
loudly
Replace the word
loud
videos
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who use
phones
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public spaces
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 have to respect the place and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not play
loudly
Correct word order
videos loudly
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 if they do not have headphones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the responsible
people
Use synonyms
 have to put some
rules
Use synonyms
 in these cases.
For instance
Linking Words
, my mother usually uses the public spaces
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, she
always
Verb problem
is always
show examples
 annoyed because the
people
Use synonyms
 who play
loudly
Correct word order
videos loudly
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 or
calling
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
 a friend with loudly voice.
However
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who work online or study online
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, the
phones
Use synonyms
 should not be
panned
Use the right word
banned
show examples
.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 responsible
people
Use synonyms
 should put some
rules
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
panned play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 loudly in case there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no
headphone
Fix the agreement mistake
headphones
show examples
,
moreover
Linking Words
, they should panned call on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Saudi Arabia, there are many
rules
Use synonyms
 that passengers have to follow
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
panned
Replace the word
pan
 call and
panned
Replace the word
pan
 play video loudly. In conclusion, I would argue that the responsible
people
Use synonyms
 should deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem
instead
Linking Words
 of panned
phones
Use synonyms
 because there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who have to use the phone permanently.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree in the first part and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Develop your main ideas more. Explain why rules are better than a full ban, and show what kind of rules would work in each place.
task response
Use examples with more detail. Your examples are on topic, but they are very short and not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one clear main idea. This will help the essay feel more easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump fast from one point to another, so add simple linking words like first, also, for example, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection and word choice. Some parts are hard to follow because of grammar and wrong word forms, such as 'panned' instead of 'banned'.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion: rules are better than a full ban.
task response
You include examples from real life, like your mother and rules in Saudi Arabia.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic clear shape with an opening, two body parts, and a closing part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some simple linking words like first of all, however, for instance, and in conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Etiquette
  • Tranquility
  • Prohibit
  • Intrusive
  • Courtesy
  • Essential communication
  • Public decorum
  • Designated areas
  • Safety concerns
  • Noise pollution
  • Digital etiquette
  • Enforcement measures
  • Civic responsibility
  • Silent mode
  • Connectivity
  • Invasiveness
  • Social norms
  • Policy implementation
  • Moderation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: