IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people say that companies should give importance to their employees, whereas others say that they should give preference to customers. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

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It is often argued that companies should prioritise their employees' demands,
while
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 some believe that businesses should mainly focus on customers' requirements. I strongly agree that there is a need for balance between the two.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons why I support
this
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 view is that workplaces must pay attention to employees' financial and emotional well-being.
This
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 is because if employees are satisfied with the employment entitlements, they will perform efficiently at work.
For instance
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, workers will not be focused on work unless company managers pay them well and provide them with required perks like health coverage and timely bonuses.
Therefore
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, it is evident that it is vital for a business's success to keep its staff members happy.
Furthermore
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, another compelling point is that a team's mental health is not only important for team members but
also
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 has a direct impact on a company's
overall
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 productivity.
Although
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 some may argue that consumers' needs do not carry that much significance,
this
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 is not entirely convincing because businesses cannot operate effectively without satisfying
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 customers.
For example
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,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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Apple INC is updating
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 products like phones and tablets almost every year with new features, appealing to its consumers immensely.
As a result
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, iPhones and
Macbooks
Fix capitalization
MacBooks
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 have higher sales than many other tech brands even though the Apple brand is expensive.
So
Punctuation problem
So,
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 customers' needs and interests cannot be simply ignored to run a successful business. In conclusion,
although
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 both sides have their merits, I firmly believe that workplaces cannot ignore either their team members or consumers, as these two play more crucial roles in the long run.
Therefore
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, ignoring the employees’ demands can lead to frustration in them, making
a less productive
Correct determiner usage
the
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 work environment
.
Correct word choice
less productive.
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Similarly
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, businesses cannot raise their demand in the market by disregarding consumers’ interests.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear in all body parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use examples that are more real and more direct to support each main idea.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear, but some parts could be more fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Put your main idea first in each body part, then explain it in a simple step-by-step way.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few sentences are too long and a bit hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check pronouns and word forms like 'its' and 'their' to make your meaning fully clear.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas connect well and the essay is easy to follow.
task response
You used a clear example about Apple to support your point.
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