IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that the government should spend more money on providing faster and cheaper means of public transport. Some others think that there are other important factors to take into consideration like (petrol, cost and environment). Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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There are conventional ideas
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the
government
Use synonyms
 should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on providing faster and cheaper means of mass transportation and that there are other significant things to take into consideration
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 petrol, cost and
environment
Use synonyms
. Both views have reasonable aspects. In my opinion, more expenditure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 would be better for
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
. First of all, people who think that public
transport
Use synonyms
 is more important would think the dwellers' ordinary life is
much
Rephrase
more
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 important than others
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
object's
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 cost
or
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of objects or
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 the
environment
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.
Urbanization
Change the spelling
Urbanisation
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 made a bunch of people
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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move and settle
to
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in
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 the specific area, which resulted
a
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in a
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serious congestion in commute time, 7 to 9 am and 5 to 7 pm respectively.
This
Linking Words
 confusion makes the
citizen's
Check wording
citizens'
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 life standard worse and affects bad impacts to the
city
Use synonyms
's
environment
Use synonyms
. If the commuters take their own car
instead
Linking Words
 of mass transportation,
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 dust that each car
discharge
Correct subject-verb agreement
discharges
show examples
 would pollute the air immensely.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the road would be full of commuters' automobiles
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 represent the disastrous confusion on the
city
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's
road
Check wording
roads
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. So expending more
money
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 to make faster and cheaper
transport
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 poses
good
Correct article usage
a good
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impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on the dwellers and
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is the side who think that cost and
environment
Use synonyms
 should be considered more.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 a plausible
argue
Replace the word
argument
 because
transport
Use synonyms
 is already in full
of
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apply
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charge. Mass
transport
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 has been allocated a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 for decades, which means it doesn't need more
money
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.
So
Change preposition
From
show examples
 now on, the
government
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 should take another focus to evolve the cities. In conclusion, both
two
Correct determiner usage
apply
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aspects
claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 to the
government
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 to advance the
city
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 and the dwellers. I think the
government
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 should spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on public
transport
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 because
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
show examples
 is still in progress, so the people in the
city
Use synonyms
 would need more
transport
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Give one full main idea for each side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Use examples that are more specific and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, like first, however, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to explain why public transport can help city life and the environment.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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