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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad. Others, however, say that life for the elderly nowadays is much better than it was in the past. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Opinions are divided on whether being old is worse or
the
Correct word choice
whether the
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 current elderly are provided with more facilities compared to the 20th century. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and agree with the latter one. Granted, one might argue that living as an old person is difficult.
Although
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 it might seem like a dream for some
people
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, being a senior citizen can be sophisticated. Notably, at the age of 60,
people
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 begin to heavily rely on their relatives or on the other members of the community.
This
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 is because old
people
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 find it difficult to move as their bones weaken. They withstand several ailments related to their organs.
On the other hand
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, being continuously told as an old can affect their mood as they get older
,
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;
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 they miss their old version, which can be real misery.
For example
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,
In
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in
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 South Korea, senior citizens refuse to take a seat given by the youth. Even though they are old, they prefer to stand still, hike every day and even exercise in the gym.
In other words
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, they don’t accept that they are ageing. Despite these arguments, I side with those who believe that living as an old person is not complicated. In
this
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 contemporary world, a host of amenities have been created for them. Now,
elderly
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the elderly
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 can take medications that reduce pain in specific parts of their body, and even taking a rest in sanatoriums for free is possible. In the past, the average age of
people
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 was 65, but now it has increased significantly to 75. Meaning that development in the medical sphere has helped
people
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 to live longer. In conclusion,
although
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 there are a few
genitive
Use the right word
negative
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 sides of being old, I believe nowadays it is not a global problem since modernisation in the medical field has helped
people
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 to live longer

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task response
Answer both views more fully. The first view is clear, but the second view needs more key ideas.
task response
Give your own opinion in a more direct way in the body, not only in the introduction and end.
task response
Use examples that clearly prove your point. The South Korea example is interesting, but its link to your main idea is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because of unclear wording. Use shorter and simpler sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used, but sometimes the flow is weak. Make sure each sentence connects naturally to the next one.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
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