IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

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The line graph illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the number of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who participated
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different indoor activities between 2000 and 2020 at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
attended activity is the
film
Use synonyms
 club, which shows a
slightly fluctuate
Replace the word
slight fluctuation
. After 2010,
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
pefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
table tennis
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased significantly,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
people of
Correct word order
the number of people
show examples
 playing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amateur dramatics
was
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 decreased. The number of
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who attended
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
film
Use synonyms
 club
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 didn’t decrease below 60. Martial arts and
film
Use synonyms
 club showed the same pattern of participants between 2000 and 2010,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 showed significant changes.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 to attend the
film
Use synonyms
 arts
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 all other activities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, table tennis showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a rapid increase after 2010, which increased the number of participants from 15 to 50.
In addition
Linking Words
, the amateur dramatics showed a significant decrease after 2005,
while
Linking Words
 other activities did not show decreases.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, film with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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