IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

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The graph compares the US individuals' average spending on
cell
Use synonyms
phone
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 and residential
phone
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services
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 from 2001 to 2010, a
ten year
Correct your spelling
ten-year
 time period. 
Overall
Linking Words
,
expenditure
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 on
cell
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Use synonyms
phone
Check wording
phones
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 and residential had opposite trends.
However
Linking Words
, they both had the exact same yearly proportion in 2006, followed by a sharp difference.
Initially
Linking Words
, from 2001 to 2003,
annually
Replace the word
annual
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
cell
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phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 had increased moderately by $200 to approximately $300
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 spending on residential
phone
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services
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 was at its peak, accounting for nearly $700, followed by a steady decrease between 2001 and 2006,
decreased
Correct word choice
and decreased
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 dramatically by around $550. After the moderate
incrase
Correct your spelling
increase
, between 2003 and 2007,
expenditure
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 on
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
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 witnessed a
surged
Replace the word
surge
,
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 from nearly $300 to approximately $620. Meanwhile, both spending on
cell
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phone
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 and residential
phone
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services
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 shared the same proportion,
accoutning
Correct your spelling
accounting
 for approximately $500, which was followed by a
harp
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sharp
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 difference. After 2006,
expenditure
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 on
cell
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phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
conitinued
Correct your spelling
continued
 to increase consistently and reached its peak
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
and
Check wording
end
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 of the chart (2010), by over $700
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 experienced a
remarkably decreased
Replace the word
remarkable decrease
 and
hitted
Correct your spelling
hit
 its lowest point by approximately $350. In onether saying, by the end of 2010, the situation had undergone a total reversal compared to the beginning of the decade.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cell, phone, services, expenditure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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