IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays almost every student who graduates from high school tries to attend college or university. Why do you think people attend college or university?

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In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a significant rise in
amount
Check wording
the number
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 who go to
Use synonyms
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 or
college
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 after
graduates
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from their high school. There are two main reasons why
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 decided to choose
this
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 pathway
instead
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 of working.
Firstly
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,
people
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 want to get a stable income.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who finished their accounting degree are more likely to gain accounting related knowleadge after attending
college
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 and university.
This
Linking Words
 would
rise
Verb problem
raise
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 the chance for them to
getting a
Wrong verb form
get
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 better job opportunities since many large businesses
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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 workers
a
Change preposition
with a
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degree.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 the graduates will get higher pay, which
lead
Verb problem
will lead
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 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in their
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 living standard
of them
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apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
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univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 is a place for them to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal development.
This
Linking Words
 is because
univerisity
Correct your spelling
university
 is a place where
students
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 have to be more independent, meet
with
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apply
show examples
new
people
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 and learn how to manage the time between study and
relationship
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relationships
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. During
univeristy
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 student have to face the problem by
theirseleves
Correct your spelling
themselves
 without getting any help from their family
just
Punctuation problem
, just
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 like
high
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in high
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 school
life
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apply
show examples
. These factors will allow them to become mature and independent
people
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. In conclusion, there are many
benenfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 life,
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 version of
theirselves
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 for the
students
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 to gain
while
Linking Words
 attending the
Use synonyms
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 or
college
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 try to get a
Use synonyms
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 or
college
Use synonyms
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 after they have graduated.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Say clearly why people go to college, and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Use more clear main ideas. Your two reasons are good, but explain each one a bit more so the reader can understand them well.
task response
Add one more clear example or short detail for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape, but make each body part begin with one very clear topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Words like first, also, because, so, and as a result can help the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar problems. Try to write shorter sentences with one clear idea each.
task response
You answered the question with two main reasons: money and personal growth.
task response
You gave an example about accounting work, which helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like firstly, moreover, and therefore help show the order of ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • degree
  • higher education
  • job chances
  • stable work
  • higher pay
  • useful skills
  • subject knowledge
  • problem-solving
  • independent
  • responsibility
  • social pressure
  • family expectation
  • normal path
  • better life
  • secure future
  • move up in society
  • career path
  • practical skills
  • personal growth
  • bright future
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