IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the two maps below show the changes in the town of Denham from 1986 to the present day.

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These
two
Use synonyms
 maps illustrate the differences between
two
Use synonyms
 periods of time
;
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 1986 and the present, in Denham town.
Overall
Linking Words
, the main changes are the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
 in the number of
houses
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the farmland was removed. Looking at the right part of the
two
Use synonyms
 pictures, the primary school
still
Verb problem
is still
show examples
 in its place,
while
Linking Words
 the farmland was removed and replaced with a
Use synonyms
houses
Replace the word
housing
 region.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are 2 large
houses
Use synonyms
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
 built
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right side of the school building. Half of the garden was removed to build new
more
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
houses
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the remaining part of
garden
Correct article usage
the garden
show examples
 is used as a retirement home. For the left part, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
little
Correct determiner usage
few
show examples
 more changes. Another farmland in the south-west was
also
Linking Words
 replaced with a large number of house buildings
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
two
Use synonyms
 shops and a post office in the east of the river stroke in the past
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, the shops were closed,
while
Linking Words
 the post office is still there.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, houses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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