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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below illustrate the age distribution of the populations of Brazil and Germany in 2000 and projections for the year 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The
bie
Correct your spelling
pie
 graphs display different age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of the populations for two countries
Use synonyms
Brazil
Punctuation problem
, Brazil
show examples
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 2000 and for the future in 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
,by the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000
Both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
Brazil
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
the adult groups
Correct word order
apply
show examples
presented the vast majority of people
.
Change preposition
in the adult groups.
show examples
Also
Linking Words
 is
predicated
Use the right word
predicted
show examples
 to be a
deacrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of adults in
Germany
Use synonyms
 by 2050. In detail, in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
the two countries
Correct word order
apply
show examples
almost over a half of the people was adults. Youth groups
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 nearly the second highest in the
brazil
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 seniors
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 just under a fifth of the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
. But, in
Use synonyms
Brazil
Add a comma
Brazil,
show examples
 the seniors came
at the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 second place
approximatly
Punctuation problem
, approximatly
show examples
 22%,and leastely was youth citizens just above a tenth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by 2050 adults group in
Brazil
Use synonyms
 will increase slightly to 70%, and
Germany
Use synonyms
 will drop nearly to more
then
Linking Words
 15%. Seniors for
Brazil
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
Use synonyms
 will increase sharply by 2050. Youth is
predicated
Use the right word
predicted
show examples
 to decline respectively in 2050

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words brazil, germany with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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