IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Although
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people
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 want to improve
science
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, we have to remember that the main purpose of
science
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 should be to
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 human life.
This
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 essay completely agrees with that statement.
People
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 have a lot of benefits with the
developing
Replace the word
development
 of
science
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such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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they can stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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 healthy with cutting-edge medical
technology
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,
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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people
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 can improve their
economy
Replace the word
economic
 level because they can
use
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technology
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 to improve their businesses.
Firstly
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,
technology
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 has affected
to
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apply
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the medical industry significantly. When
people
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 face any dangerous health issues, they can
use
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 modern medicine
such
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 as new cancer
treatements
Correct your spelling
treatments
, which is very important human to stay healthy .
Therefore
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, nowadays,
life
Correct article usage
the life
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 standards of
people
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 increased so that
people
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 can live the longest time than past.
For example
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, my uncle, who was a cancer patient, was treated by the modern cancer
treatements
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treatments
 and
,
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apply
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 he used modern equipment.
Finally
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, he completely survived with
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this
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these
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 treatments.
In addition
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, if individuals want to improve their economy,
thye
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they
 can
use
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 new scientific developments, even though they face several challenges.
Aritificial-Intelligence
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Artificial Intelligence
 has been growing rapidly these days so that we can
use
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 that
technology
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 to minimise our daily
works
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work
show examples
.
For example
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, my university friends created
the
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apply
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a new
Aritificial-Intelligence
Correct your spelling
Artificial-Intelligence
 system, which was called ‘Faraa’.
This
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system
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system's
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 main target was
the
Correct article usage
apply
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managing our business to increase business profits.
To conclude
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,
inspite
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in spite
 of
this
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 developmenets, we should remember that our main priority is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
using
technology
Use synonyms
 to
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
people
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’s lives, because
people
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 can
use
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 the
technology
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 under hazarodous ways.
However
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,
science
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 an answer
,
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apply
show examples
 when individuals face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several problems.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some are good, but a few sentences feel too long or not smooth.
coherence cohesion
Give fuller support for your ideas. Your examples are relevant, but the explanation after them should be deeper.
task achievement
Answer the question more directly through the whole essay. You agree clearly, but you should explain why science should be the most important aim, not only a useful aim.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need more detail to sound complete.
task achievement
Be careful in the conclusion. The last lines are not fully clear, so your final message becomes weaker.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
You use relevant examples about health and business.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow in most parts.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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