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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes yes productive The table shows how these causes affected the regions of Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie chart
under
Change preposition
below
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 depicts the key factors that cause agricultural
land
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 to reduce
productiveness
Replace the word
productivity
. The table provides data about how North
America
Use synonyms
,
Europe
Use synonyms
 and Oceania were affected by them during the 1990s.
Overall
Linking Words
, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 was
over-gazing
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over-grazing
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,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 took second place and was followed by
over-cultivation
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 and other causes.
According to
Linking Words
 the table, a region that was affected the most by
degradation
Use synonyms
 of
land
Use synonyms
 was
Europe
Use synonyms
mostly
Punctuation problem
, mostly
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due to
Linking Words
deforestation
Use synonyms
. The least affected country was North
America
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. It is clear from the chart
,
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apply
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 that over-grazing was the most significant cause of
decrease
Correct article usage
the decrease
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 in productiveness of agricultural lands
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
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 a value of 35%.
Deforestation
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 and
over-cultivation
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also
Linking Words
 made a big contribution to the issue of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
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 (30% and 28% respectively).
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 other causes account for only 7%. It can be observed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
total
Correct article usage
the total
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land
Use synonyms
 degraded in
Europe
Use synonyms
 was 23%, which makes it the most affected region. 13% of
land
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 underwent
land
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degradation
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 in Oceania
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 only 5% in North
America
Use synonyms
. Even though,
overall
Linking Words
, lands were affected the most by
over-gazing
Use the right word
over-grazing
show examples
, in
Europe
Use synonyms
 and North
America
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the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 key reasons
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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deforestation
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 and
over-cultivation
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respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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, whilst in
Oceania
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Oceania,
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 the percentage of
lands
Check wording
land
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 affected by
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 was estimated as 0.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land, america, europe, degradation, deforestation, over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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