IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Over the last 100 years food diets have changed considerably. Some argue we have sacrificed health over convenience, others say we are have the richest diets ever. What do you think? Give reasons and examples to support your answer

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Over the
last
Linking Words
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
food
Use synonyms
diets
Use synonyms
 have changed greatly.
People
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 are having
desputes
Correct your spelling
disputes
 on whether
diets
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 have sacrificed health over convenience or
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the richest
diets
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 ever. With the developments of
science
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that the dietary needs of
people
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 have become even
richer
Punctuation problem
richer,
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while
Linking Words
 demands for healthier
food
Use synonyms
sources
Use synonyms
 can be
achieved easily
Correct word order
easily achieved
show examples
.
Science
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 has come along way to the point where it has identified a large
radius
Check wording
range
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 of problems in our daily dietary needs. Many researches has been done on the topic of
food
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 and
diet
Punctuation problem
diet,
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 where it can be safely assumed that
a
Correct article usage
apply
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certain
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
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 or
Use synonyms
food
Check wording
foods
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 can be
harmful
Punctuation problem
harmful,
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while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 are good for the body and mind.
Science
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 can accurately measure how
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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 vitamins the body needs and which
sources
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 of
food
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 needed to meet the expected daily intake for the body to function better.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
food
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sources
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 have
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 easily obtainable in almost all parts of the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 where it usually
doesn't
Verb problem
isn't
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due to
Linking Words
 the climate or the weather conditions of the country. These
food
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sources
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 can benefit
diets
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 to
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 even more complete. Take dates
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, a healthy fruit
that is
Linking Words
 usually obtained in harsh and hot climate can be seen all around the world for
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy and benefit from. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that the dietary needs of
people
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 have become even richer
due to
Linking Words
 the development of
science
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. Whether it is to identify what is healthy or bad for you and how much you need of it
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 to enjoy
food
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sources
Use synonyms
 that
usually you
Correct word order
you usually
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 wouldn't have in order to obtain a healthier diet
Use synonyms
science
Punctuation problem
, science
show examples
 has an answer for that.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly before you give your own view.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your main idea.
task response
Explain why modern diets are richer, but also say why some people think health is worse.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, also, for example, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main point and a full explanation.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
task response
You use an example about dates to support your idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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