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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart illustrates the individual's coffee and tea buying preferences in 3 categories, namely bought fresh coffee, instant coffee and people who went to a cafe for coffee and tea in the last 4 weeks, in five Australian cities, including Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.

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The bar chart illustrates the individual's
coffee
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 and
tea
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 buying preferences in 3 categories, namely bought fresh
coffee
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,
instant
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coffee
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 and
people
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 who went to a
cafe
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 for
coffee
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 and
tea
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks, in five Australian cities, including
Sydney
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,
Melbourne
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, Brisbane,
Adelaide
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, and
Hobart
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, an uneven distribution can be observed in each unit. In most cities, going to the
cafe
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 for
coffee
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 or
tea
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 led the chart, except
Adelaide
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by
Punctuation problem
, by
show examples
 a minor difference towards buying
instant
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coffee
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,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
percentage
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 was accounted for
fresh
Change preposition
by fresh
show examples
coffee
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 in each city.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
instant
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coffee
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 witnessed different proportions among cities with moderate differences.
Initially
Linking Words
, in
Melbourne
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 and
Hobart
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,
people
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 who preferred going to a
cafe
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 for
coffee
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 and
tea
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 constituted the bulk of the preference by the exact
percentage
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 of approximately 63% ,
while
Linking Words
people
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 in
Adelaide
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 , which prefer went to a
cafe
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, stood at the bottom of the scale,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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 for nearly 48%. Regarding
to
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apply
show examples
drinking and buying preferences of Australian
people
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, in general, the category of buying
instant
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coffee
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 took
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in each group. In
Hobart
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, there was a marked preference for buying
instant
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coffee
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 by around 54%, followed closely by Brisbane and
Adelaide
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, which accounted for approximately 53% and 50%
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 who prefer to buy
instant
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coffee
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 in
Melbourne
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 surpassed
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Sydney
Correct pronoun usage
those in Sydney
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Melbourne
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 took
last
Linking Words
 place to
Sydney
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, by a minor 3% difference.
Finally
Linking Words
, in each unit, the minimum
percentage
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 of category was bought fresh
coffee
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks. Despite its lower proportions, approximately 48%
percentage
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 of
people
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 in
Sydney
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 prefer to buy fresh
coffee
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, which is the highest proportion in
this
Linking Words
 category.
Melbourne
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 and
Hobart
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 followed
Sydney
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 from a distance with 42% and 38%, respectively. In both Brisbane and
Adelaide
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,
people
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 preferred the identical proportions by 38%, representing the lowest share in total.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, instant, people, cafe, sydney, melbourne, adelaide, hobart, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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